Return to the Plains
by PIne Creek
Summary: This story takes place from the final scene with Jack and Ennis together beside the lake but skips over Jack's death. Could the sweet life really be theirs?
1. Chapter 1

In the spring of 1981, Ennis Del Mar returned from a fishing trip spent in the Bighorn Mountains back to his home in Riverton. He was still in turmoil over the scene he had just left at the trail parking lot beside the lake further up the mountain. This had been the first time Jack had ever seen him in that state, and shaken, his first instinct was to get away, but as he drove he began to deeply regret what he had said and done. His truck wound down the gravel road, swirls of crushed bone dust rose up in front of him coating the windscreen and leaving his vision with a slight haze. The sweet, sharp of pine and sagebrush hung the air and lingered on his skin. He pulled up on the road, got out exhaled a long ragged breath, and drove his fist hard into the side of his pickup adding one more dent to the battered chassis. The wretched cry of a loggerhead shrike reverberated through the mountain. Before him the trees were beginning to thin out giving way to open space. In the distance, of he could just make out a lone ranch house set in the middle of a vast plain. He considered returning to the lake where he had left Jack. He didn't know what to say to make what had happened between them right, and Jack must have left anyway. One of his horses snorted behind the stock rack on the back of the pickup. It sounded like they were getting skittish, their hooves scraping the metal floor.

He said softly to himself, "Time to get 'em home."

It was not as if he had much of a life left in Riverton. Divorced from a wife who had no time for him and had discovered his secret, two teenage daughters who were the light of his life but now were nearly grown up, and girlfriend that was putting pressure on him to make a commitment that he knew would never work out. What kept him going were the two or three times a year he met with Jack in the mountains. But Jack had always wanted more. Some part of him believed that if had never spent the summer working on Brokeback Mountain he could have on with his marriage and not known any different. But even after they lost track of one another when the sheep herding job ended and they returned to life on the plains, he could not get Jack out of his mind. He felt he was in the middle of nowhere, unable to make a life with a woman, but unable to make a life with Jack. He could still see the face of the dead rancher his father had led him and brother to see. His father had told them this is what would happen to them is they turned queer. He saw his need for a Jack as a weakness he had no control over. It was something he couldn't fix, so best he could, he'd just have to stand it.

They had talked about meeting again in August. In the past he had quit jobs just to meet with Jack the in the mountains but many ranches were folding up and but this time he knew he would be looking at a long period of unemployment if he gave up the job he had to meet Jack in August. The next time they met would have to wait till November. They had finished packing up and the horses were already on the back of, the pickup ready to drive off when Ennis told him.

Jack had said, "What in the hell happened to August?" There was a determination in the tone of his voice that the Ennis hadn't heard before.

When Ennis asked him if he had a better idea and Jack had answered that he did once, he knew that something had shifted. Jack had always been the one that kept after him. He had never wanted it, but every time Jack sent him a postcard wanting to meet in the mountains, he couldn't keep away.

The dilapidated floodgates barely held together by an unspoken pact not talk about anything that would endanger a liaison continued under such stringent demands broke under the unstoppable tide of Jacks anger and bitterness. They swam in the memories of a distant summer spent on a mountain without noticing the waters had grown stagnant over the years with nothing new to flow through. Now years of resentments and frustrations finally coursed in. The life they could have had that Jack had once offered that Ennis had thrown away. And Ennis had asked a question that had troubled for some time, whether Jack sought out what he needed in between the times they weren't together, thinking, hoping that Jack would deny it. Not only did he not deny it, he didn't stop there. Ennis now knew what he gave Jack wasn't enough to keep him satisfied during few times they met and Jack had told Ennis he wished he could quit him. Ennis was brought to his knees, drowning under the weight of his own torment.

Jack's anger, now spent, had come to Ennis, and after trying to push Jack aside, they had ended kneeling in the dirt together beside the lake, Ennis clinging to Jack, had said, "I just can't stand it no more Jack."

Jack had drawn away from Ennis a little. One arm still holding him, Jack had stroked Ennis's face and spoke soothingly, "We could a had so much more than this. You know that."

With careful but insistent pressure he tried to tilt Ennis's face up, "Come on, look at me," Jack said.

Ennis brushed Jack's hand away and stood up.

"Goddamn you Ennis. You stay and finish this." Jack said.

"What more do you want from me. You got me fucking beat" Ennis said.

Ennis left Jack still kneeling in the dirt and had driven off. By the time Ennis had returned from the mountains he always set aside his time there and turned his attention back to his life in Riverton. He now drove into town unsettled, and raw. In the coming months he never lost the sensation that some wild, febrile creature had followed him down from the mountain, buried deep inside him and was clawing away at his innards.


	2. Chapter 2

She had called by. Ennis got her note from inside his trailer lying on his bed.

"Miss you Darling. Call round when you get back, Love Cassie."

Ennis took a mouthful of whiskey left over from a bottle Jack had bought, felt it burn down the back of his throat and lit a cigarette drawing on it deeply. At first he enjoyed people seeing them around knowing that they were a couple. She was ten years younger than him and a good looking girl. Put his ex-wife, Alma's tongue to rest that he was spending too much time on his own. Before he left for the mountains she had told him they had been together for a while and now it was time they started thinking about the future. She suggested that next time he got some days off the two of them should go to Cheyenne where her sister lived, just for a change. It was time they took a holiday together. It would do them both good to get out of Riverton. Maybe they should think about getting engaged. There were other things she wanted changing.

On the nights she came to his trailer and he tried to get over what she expected of him she had said, "What's the hurry Ennis? Why don't you slow down? You want me to enjoy it too don't you?"

Jack had been bedding the wife of some ranch foreman down in Texas, so he said. Ennis couldn't understand how Jack made it seem normal with her. He liked Cassie well enough and she was good company, even though she was always trying to drag him up on the dance floor, but although he wished it wasn't so, all Ennis wanted was Jack. Now he knew for certain what he and Jack got up to in the mountains was not just confined to themselves. What was said had been said. It was too late to take back now and it made him heartsick. She was good catch for some other guy but he knew it was never going to work with him. He hoped to hell that she would leave him be.

At the end of May, Ennis's eldest daughter, Junior who had finished High School invited him to her Graduation Ceremony. He had told her might not be able get there as the last of the calves was due, but at midday a wet bundle sloped onto straw, followed by a lake of afterbirth. The only sound in the barn was the wet scraping of the mother cow's tongue licking off membrane. The calf looked blindly at Ennis then turned to its mother. He scrubbed the aftermath of birth away, put on a new shirt, and slicked back his hair. The ignition on his pickup needed attention but it choked into life in time for him to make it.

Since Junior, had left school she'd been working in her step father's grocery store until she figured out what to do. Maybe get a job in bank, she was saving up for a secretarial course but she wasn't sure if that's what she wanted to do and there wasn't much of anything around. Ennis sat on his own, at the back of the school hall. Sitting further up in the middle was Alma with her husband, Munro. Alma twisted round in her seat, craning her neck to see if he was there. A solemn rosy cheeked little boy sat on her knee peering at Ennis and six year boy of beside her. They still shared two daughters between them. Although, he hadn't always succeeded in the past, he wanted to try to be civil, He nodded at her politely. A thin smile of recognition crossed her face. One meager moment of them both acknowledging a mutual accomplishment in an often trying marriage; the girls were growing up good. She then turned away and pulling her youngest child close to her whispered something to Munro. He had been given a program when he walked into the hall and but had not read it. He now folded it neatly into a square symmetrical shape over and over with his large work roughened hands.

It took longer than he was thought it would to get the songs and speeches out of the way but when Junior walked across the stage, tall with a shy smile and bright eyes to collect her diploma he unexpectedly blinked back tears.

There was coffee and refreshments provided afterwards but he was ready to leave.

Ennis met with, his daughters, Junior and Jenny out in the foyer. Jenny, the fifteen year old, said her goodbyes quickly, and giggling, was swallowed up by a group of her friends while Junior stayed behind. Ennis had one sepia toned photo of his mother, given to him by his older sister when she had attended his wedding. It was taken when his mother was seventeen judging by date written in faded pencil that he thought might have been in her own hand, She was dressed up, for some occasion, in her good clothes, blouse buttoned up to a small round collar, standing by the gate of her parents place posed with a straight back and a wistful smile that didn't quite touch her eyes. Her hair was flowing out; blowing back in the wind. He thought that he could see a resemblance between her and Junior that he hadn't seen before.

Junior said, "Couldn't you stay a little longer Daddy"

Hemmed in and wanting to get away Ennis told her, "Sorry honey, you know I'd like to but I got to go. Them new baby cows need lookin after. You did real well. I'm proud of you."

"I wanted to introduce to Troy."

"Well who's Troy?"

"We been seeing one another."

"Whoa Junior. Where's my little girl gone? This Troy he looks after you? He treats you right"

"Of course Daddy. Mamma approves of him and you know how strict she is. His folks run the garage repair shop. He plays baseball."

"Well you let him know if he doesn't he'll be hearing bout from me. You and Jenny, you're my angels."

She looked at him questioningly and said, "Cassie come into the grocery store when I was working. Asked if I'd seen you. Said she hadn't seen you for some time."

She was still coming to his trailer leaving notes, asking him what was wrong. When he wasn't working he drank on his own, toying with a beer till late in bars that he knew she wouldn't walk into on her own, hoping that she'd tire of chasing him round.

Ennis said, "That situation kind of wound itself up."

Junior said, "Maybe you'd better to let her know then keep her wondering."

"Yeah, your right," Ennis said, "l'll pick you and Jenny up Sunday and we can get a bite to eat."

Junior looked like she was about to something else and then changed her mind. Ennis hoped she hadn't overheard nothing and that Alma had managed to keep her goddamned mouth shut in front of the girls.


	3. Chapter 3

The last night they had spent together in the mountains Ennis was kneeling over Jack, inside him, moving slowly. Ennis's hand slid over the contours of Jack's body, across his arms and chest, still hard and muscled, his fingertips raking through the hair on Jack's belly that had softened over the years. Jack stroked himself with one hand and with the other traced the rigid veins on Ennis's arm, playfully twisting his nipple. Ennis could see Jack, illuminated by the embers of the dying fire gazing up him through half closed eyes with a lazy smile. He began moving in him faster and harder. Jack's neck muscles tensed, he tilted his head back and sighed. Ennis wrapped his hand round Jack's, easing Jack's hand away and holding it back over his head. Ennis spat on his other hand and as he did so, inhaled the warm smell of sweat and began pulling on Jack to the rhythm of his own body moving inside him. A hushed breeze jangled the leaves on the trees, stirring one of the horses who shuddered in the dark. When Jack looked up at him again he held Ennis's eyes sharply in focus. Jack wrested his hand out of Ennis's grasp and reaching up put his hand round Ennis's neck, pulling him down. Their mouths clasped hard, Jack teased the inside of Ennis's mouth with his tongue, all the while, moving together.

Ennis suddenly wished he could slow it down again, make it last longer, by turning Jack over or start it all again and feel Jack inside him but he could feel the heat of Jack's breath on his neck. His hand was gripping Ennis's shoulder tight, pivoting to meet Ennis. Ennis scooped Jack's hips closer. Heightening, then tipping over the edge. They lay entwined; depleted and content. Jack chuckled running his hands over Ennis's face and hair and and kissed his jaw. Ennis pulled Jack close, clutching him tightly before the bitter cold tore them apart, forcing them to scramble in search of their clothes strewn in the dirt. They had dressed hurriedly tossing each other a shirt or a sock retrieved from the night, relit the fire and lay down in the tent in silence.

Lying alone, picturing these times gave Ennis the release he craved, but now, no longer carried him off to sleep sated. Instead of this solace, in his dreams he would restlessly travel down dark uncharted highways to Texas and further on, disturbing his sleep and leaving him with niggling thoughts that crept into his days.

He had heard some talk in town when he had been sitting in a bar drinking on his own. Two strangers had sidled in talking effusively. They didn't look like they came from Wyoming or anywhere near. He had stared at them with unease thinking somebody should have warned them.

Another ranch hand, hunched over his own drink turned to Ennis and eyeing the strangers suspiciously had said "You notice that too. This place is gettin worse. One time you never used to see that kind of thing goin on. Makes me sick."

Ennis had looked down at his beer and replied, "They better watch themselves or they'll get what's comin to them"

And the cowboy next to him had nodded, "You're damn right. There's places they can go but they should know better than to in come here."

Ennis's brother, K.E was passing through Riverton. They laughed slapped one another on the back and K.E. had said, "Its been too long why don't we get together more."

They found a bar that ran a happy hour and downed shots of cheap spirits. K .E said he'd been been getting by picking up work here and there, living on and off with hairdresser in Signal. A stint as a wrangler in Signal and was over and he was on his way to job a Cow and Calf outfit in Casper

K.E. asked Ennis how things were and Ennis had replied, "Can't complain."

The talked about the old days and soon spirit soaked memories of their childhood rose to the surface.

KE, flushed face and tired eyes, became plaintive, " You know sometimes I think I never get any further ahead. You ever think that? Sometimes I look back and think it was down to the way we was raised by the old man."

"He was our Dad We was raised hard. He had strict views about life. But that's the way life is, I guess," Ennis said. His memory of his father was tempered by the knowledge he had taught him the work skills that had stood him in good stead and was now one of the few things he had left which he'd managed to hold on to.

"He was a goddamn crazy bastard," K. E. said "Do you remember that time he showed us that old guy lying in the ditch dead? The funny fella. Jesus that was fucking horrible. You know I used pass by that road on the way to town and could see the ditch from the road. Every time I passed it I'd end up shiver'n and shakin like a dog shittin razor blades. It was fucking horrible. Even if he was deservin of it. Don't seem to have bothered you none. Nothin seems to bother you. Yeah he tried to raise us up the hard way. He was hard on Mamma too the way he was always beating up on her.

"What you talking about?" Ennis asked. The conversation had taken a turn from the usual talk of finding work, jobs that they had worked at, how much child support they had to pay and the sister that they never saw. Ennis wasn't sure where this was heading.

"Don't tell me you never see it." K.E. said "I guess not. You always was fuckin slow. Wouldn't know you were about to be hit by a train if you were standin on the track."

Some one walked out leaving saloon door ajar, the wind surged through the barroom sending a stack of paper napkins scurrying across the bar. The glass crystals on a chandelier chimed recklessly.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Ennis said

K.E. ignored Ennis and carried on, "Mind you she always tried to keep it hidden. Don't you remember her having a lot of accidents. She used to call them accidents only they weren't." Wispy tendrils of tobacco smoke mellowed K.E.'s features and through the haze Ennis noticed his eyes had misted up.

An image tumbled into Ennis's mind of his mother getting him ready for school making sure his face was washed and his hair was neat and reminding him to be polite to his teachers. and saying, "Ennis, your already in K.E's clothes a year after he been in them. I don't know what I'm goin to do about clothes and shoes if you catch up with him."

She sat at the table in and he would hand her the comb and face cloth and noticing bruises on her face but not talking about them because she always said that she bruised easily and when she stood up she had winced and limped and told him she had been clumsy again and tripped over on the step and hurt her knee. Whenever she talked about being clumsy and bruising easy she would stare off into the distance not looking at him.

K.E. said, "The place was going down and he wasn't the type who would work for anyone else. I remember Aunt Louise comin over after he give Mamma a hidin and her not likein what she sees."

Ennis said, "I don't remember Aunt Louise comin by much. None of her family ever come by that much."

K.E. said, "She used to visit all the time but the old man told her that she weren't welcome. He said she spent too much time pokin her nose in to where it weren't wanted. Anyway, Louise is tellin her to get away. Take us and go and stay with her but Mamma told her that he'll just come after her and fetch her back and that once the place picked up things would get better. ' If you can't fix it you've got to stand it. ' That's what she always used to say. The night they died the old man took her into town to get her jaw fixed. They must have come off the road on their way back."

Ennis ended up drinking more than he planned to and could not remember when he had left K.E. During the night he tried to phone Jack in Texas. When he heard woman's slight, brittle voice on the phone asking who it was he hung up. He wasn't sure what to say but knew whatever he did say would come out whiskey slurred. For some time he lay on the cold gravel while hard, little stones dug into his temple, drunkenly mesmerized by the reflection of a neon sign above the bar fractured by raindrops into delicate beads of white light shimmering on a muddy puddle beside his head.


	4. Chapter 4

It was the beginning of June. Ennis was standing in the yard working a calf table with the ranch owner. The summer's sun was beating down. The stench of burnt calfskin, wood smoke, dust, and the red hot glow of the branding iron stung his eyes.

The owner was telling Ennis, "I could do with a couple of extra hands but truth is I'm barely managing to keep this place going." The lines on his face were etched so deep they looked like they'd been chiseled out with a dime store pocket knife. As he talked a cigarette wagged from the corner his mouth that was no more than a pale thin line. "Damned government," he said. "Prices for stock are getting lower and everything else is going up. This slump is the worst I can remember and they say things goin to get even worse than this before they get better. But I ain't forgot that week you wanted off at the beginning of November. A man needs to get away from time to time. I can't remember the last time I had a break from this place. By the way, your girlfriend come round asking where you were. Said she was worried about you."

The notes had stopped and Ennis had hoped that Cassie had given up the chase. He said, "I don't know who the hell she thinks she is checkin up on me."

The owner said, "You know what women are like. First they say all they want is some fun and next minute they're sending out wedding invitations. I told her she got nothin to worry about. You're still your same old talkative self. You got yourself another woman?" Ennis momentarily paused from levering the calf on to the table. "Thought as much." the owner said. "The more you hang round tryin to explain it to em, the more trouble you get yourself into."

Ennis turned the steel cage. The calf's legs flayed and its eyes rolled to the back of its head. Ennis deftly removed it balls with pliers and injected it. The owner a tagged and branded and after another turn of the lever the calf scampered off.

One time Ennis thought that Cassie could have mended what needed fixing inside him. Since he had seen K.E. he had been remembering back to that that time before he knew Jack. He would have been about thirteen at his folks ranch before they died. Another hot, dry summer's day. One of his dad's friends had come over to lend a hand with branding. He had his nephew staying who come from a crop farm in Idaho. He was about K.E.'s age

His father put his hands on his and K.E. shoulders and said to the boy, "So they sent you down for us to make a cowboy of you. Boys this here is Bill. Bill, these are my sons K.E. and Ennis. K.E. will tell you all about how it's done. Ennis here will get the job done for you."

K.E. disappeared and was talking to the men about when he could get a turn at roping. Ennis was left with the boy. The boy was shuffling his feet and looking at the ground. He said, "I ain't been around stock too much. You goin to show me what to do?"

Ennis felt his face go hot and his mouth go dry. He said, "Ain't nothing to it. I'll take care of the front legs. The rope will still be one of the legs. All you gotta do is pull the other leg right back."

His dad rode off. The rope flew through the air and a calf was dragged back bellowing from the midst of a dust cloud. Ennis and the boy wrestled the calf still. K.E. and the boy's uncle tagged and branded it. Their eyes were watering, blinking hard from the smoke of flame on hide. They wrestled them one after another until they got to the last calf and the boy put his hand over Ennis's fumbling to get a grip on the leg. Ennis pulled his hand out from underneath as if it had been encased in static, nearly letting the legs go before managing to grab them back while the calf was still pawing the air. It was a hot, tiring job. By the end his flannel shirt was stiff with dust and dried sweat. He took off his shirt and wiped it over his sticky forehead. When he looked round he saw the boy had copied him and pulled off his shirt. He stared at the boy's hard brown back. When he turned round noticed a pale strip of skin where jeans rode down, and a trail of downy hair leading from his belly button down to the curve in the front of his jeans. Ennis's eyes took all this in at once and he felt the front of his own jeans grow tight and his breath quicken. Then catching himself; realizing what was happening and turning away quick hoping no one had noticed. He knew that it wasn't right and he knew that it made him different. Ennis heard them laugh; the old man, KE and the boy's Uncle, and he froze stricken.

His father had said, "You got to toughen up son. That that last baby nearly got the better of you," and turning to the boy said, "You should a seen the look on your face when Ennis nearly let them legs go."

When Ennis was able to move and had gone round the back of house and brought up his breakfast and continued dry retch long and hard till the muscles in his gut ached. Then he knew whatever it was that made him different had been in him far longer than he had known Jack and was so deeply embedded it was never going to be mended.

It was now July. When Ennis was town he checked for mail. There were no postcards from Texas. He bought himself a piece of pie at the bus station diner and was sitting there trying to get through it when Cassie walked in, blond hair swinging, hips swaying with a ranch hand that Ennis had worked with once on a round up. His arm was placed over her shoulder in a proprietary way. Ennis was relieved that she had got his undelivered message and must of moved on. He wasn't prepared for her coming over and sitting down at his table.

"Where you been, Ennis Del Mar?"

Cassie had given up thinking she could hang on to him but was still feeling aggrieved and thought she deserved an explanation. Who did he think he was to treat her that way. He had been shy and polite, not brash and loud like many of the other men that she served in the bar. Good to his daughters. There was something deep and hidden about him that intrigued her. He had his faults; his sudden disappearing acts to the mountains, his impenetrable distances and lack of attention to her needs when she finally got him to spend the night with her. But she thought she could change him and she thought that he would have been worth it. She had sensed that there was something in him that longed to be rescued.

'Here and there," Ennis said.

"I left word for you with Steve at the ranch. And you must've got those notes I left at your place."

"Looks like I got the message, in any case," he glanced at the direction of the ranch hand she had walked in with who was now staring over at them.

"Carl? Yeah, Carl's nice. He even talks."

"Good for you." There was a hostile edge to his voice. He was warning her off.

"Yeah. Good for me. I don't get you, Ennis Del Mar."

She had not seen this side of him before but it irked that he was trying to put the blame on her and she still could not understand what she'd done to make him turn on her. She stood her ground. He had been picking at the pie in front of him before she arrived but now he found his appetite. Looking at it intently before spooning of it chunks of into his mouth. She was still there and his indifference hadn't deterred her. Because she wasn't budging he had no choice but to look up at her and when he did he saw that she was crying. She looked into his eyes, saw for once that they were naked and empty and realized she hadn't known him at all.

He told her he was sorry and in a rough attempt to console her added, "I was probably no fun anyway, was I?"

She threw him another loop before running out with her cowboy in toe

"Ennis, girls don't fall in love with fun."

Ennis couldn't work out what he had done to make her fall in love with him but when he looked into her face and held her hurt and disappointed stare, he could see reflected in her eyes a myriad of other faces from his past.


	5. Chapter 5

It was now September. Ennis had still not heard from Jack. He sent a postcard himself. Jack, how about November 7 for you? I can meet you at Pine Creek. He had asked his boss if could stay at his brother-in-law's cabin near Rock River. They had done this a couple of years back and he had shot an elk just like he had done on Brokeback Mountain when they had first met. He had traded one his horses for a bay filly thinking of Jack when he made the deal. She had the makings of good trail horse but with some spirit still in her.

As it got closer to November with still no postcard Ennis thought of phoning Jack in Texas but in the end waited it out. Jack would turn up, always had done. At the same time he thought back to when he last saw Jack at the lake and the rancorous way they had parted. For years there had been a pool of resentment collecting, simmering just below the surface seeping out here and there, a little at time. It had started forming after Ennis had sent Jack a card telling him his divorce had come through and Jack had driven from Texas to Riverton thinking Ennis was free to start a life together but drove back realizing there was a lot more than just Alma that was keeping them apart. Nothing much was said outright those long, soft looks Jack gave him that Ennis had to turn away from, unable to give back what Jack was asking with his eyes, were now intermingled with reproachful and dissatisfied glances that made Ennis equally uncomfortable. But the postcards still kept coming and Ennis still left everything to get to the mountains. Nothing could have kept him away.

A month later when they next met, Ennis was uneasy about how it would be between them. He drove up to find Jack setting up camp. They embraced and held each other tight as if nothing had happened. Jack never once mentioned the long wasted drive to see Ennis.

A few days later they were swimming in a mountain pool. The sun hot on their backs, the water biting cold.

Jack was saying, "You'd be surprised at what people spend their money on down there. When I get back I got a new model to demonstrate. Not that much different to the old one but they want the latest thing. Lureen's got four tradeshows lined up. She says we need to push more orders out. She's relying on me to convince them that they need it. Sold fourteen of last model. That's a fucking record.

"If anyone can talk someone into doin something it's you." Ennis said

"Not everyone ."

The sky darkened and the wind picked up weaving ripples over the glassy water surface. Ennis noticed Jack was shivering; his shoulder blades jutting out, braced against the cold. The wind chill making the fine dark hairs on back stand up . Ennis placed himself in front of the wind current sheltering Jack, rubbing his back. He kissed his neck and ran his hand down the curve of his spine pulling him close.

"Let's get into the tent. Get one another warmed up," Ennis said.

In the tent Ennis pulled Jack down on top of him and then rolled over on him.

"We only got a couple of days left," Jack said. "I'm going up to see my folks for a few days once I leave here. Why don't you come with me? I told my folks about you."

"Told them what?"

"Just that I got this friend up here that meet up with to go fishing when I come back to Wyoming. My mamma said to get you up there sometime- well how about it?"

"No. I gotta get back," Ennis said.

"Get back to what? You're a single man again."

"It's best if we just stick to seein each out here. I got only so many days off. It's calvin time."

"He sure done a good job on you."

"Who? What you talkin about," said Ennis.

"Your old man showing you that dead fella when you was a kid."

"What's that got to do with trying to keep hold of a job? It's fine for you with wife havin her own business and all."

"All I'm saying is that if seein something like is supposed to stop you doin what we do, well it ain't worked. All it's done is messed your head up."

"What would you know? You wasn't there."

"Don't have to have been there to see what goin on."

"Now it ain't that simple Jack. I still got the girls. It ain't just my old man. There's still a lot out there just like him."

"If that's the way you fuckin want to live your life," Jack said and got up, pulling on jeans nearly tripping over getting out of the tent and stood outside.

Ennis followed him out and says to Jack whose standing some way off staring out across the water, "Jack-"

Jack turned, looks at Ennis, sighed and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean nothin." He goes over to Ennis and puts his arms around him

Ennis says, "I didn't come here to of talk about past. Can't do nothin to change it."

Jack said, "We didn't come up here to fish neither. I don't want to waste the time that we got fighting."

"I'll more than likely come up and meet your folks. I'm not saying I won't. I just can't afford to get offside turning down jobs all the time."

"I understand." said Jack. "Let's get back inside that tent."

Ennis never did end up making it to Lightening Flat. On November the seventh Ennis drove to Pine Creek. He left the horses behind in Riverton and spent a night in the cabin watching iridescent rainbow clouds as the sun set over the mountains hoping that Jack would still turn up. When Jack never showed, Ennis drove back and spent the rest of the week holed up in his trailer. Light drifts of fresh snow winged down, not settling but momentarily preserving the dying grass leaving a white, pristine film before running away into the grey wet grit. He wanted to talk but Jack wasn't around. It was months since he sent the postcard that Jack had never answered. By the end of the week it occurred to Ennis he may be finally slipping out of the grasp of whatever it was that got hold of him on Brokeback Mountain.

The winter was beginning to bite as the cold rolled in. Winter feeding had begun and the rest of time he spent looking over stock and checking fences. Riding over the bleak plains the wind swept through the dead grass and cut at his clothes numbing him. After the week he had spent in his trailer he found his troubles dissipated, lost in the distance between the dark brooding sky and the earth. He was wholly alone. The drone of the wind brought its own a quietness and stillness. Almost nothing could be heard above its incessant whine and its force blew back anything from reaching him. Apart from his the visits to his daughters he talked to no one and he was satisfied to keep his own company. Far away, in the distance he could just make out the mountains but most of the time they were hidden behind cloud.

It was now mid-December. Ennis met up with his daughters and drove them out to the ranch. Junior had found a job doing office work for an oil company. Jenny would be singing in the school play. Ennis showed them his new horse. The horse danced and Ennis said "She still needs some handlin but come up here after Christmas. You'll notice the difference in her."

Ennis dropped the girls back at Alma's and stopped by at the post office. He found that a postcard had come general delivery


	6. Chapter 6

The card has been sent from Lightening Flat but was not in Jack's handwriting. Ennis read; 'I hope this card finds its way to you. I have some news about Jack that I need to tell you. Could you phone to discuss further.' It was signed Anne Twist. A phone number was scrawled underneath the address.

Ennis stood in phone box opposite the post office. The wind coursed down the street hammering the glass and fresh snow piled up outside. He rang the number and heard a woman's worn voice hesitate as if not used to receiving many phone calls.

"Who is it?"

"Ennis Del Mar."

"Ennis. Jack has often spoken of you when he comes and visits us. Jack's been in a car accident in Denver coming up to Wyoming He's in hospital in Denver."

"I was waiting for him to come up. Is he alright?"

"He says he's fine. I wanted to be with him but his father says there's not much wrong with him and too much to do here. He said he hurt his arm and can't drive. Their letting him go home in a day or so. Could you go down there and see that he gets back here safely? He was planning to come back here for a while."

"He got his family with him?"

"Lureen did go up but she's back in Texas now. Jack and Lureen separated months ago. He's on his own down there."

Jack had been coming to see him after all and when she says, "You ring me when you get down there. You let me know how his is," Ennis found himself promising her, "When I see him ma'am I'll give you a call."

He asked the owner whether he could have some more time off. He could think of what else to say that would make any difference to the answer so he told him the truth. The buddy who was coming up from Texas had been in accident was down in Denver and he needed to get down there.

The owner said," You already had one week off and I told you I can't spare you. I can't do the job by myself. There plenty of cowboys lookin for work with the number of ranches being sold off. I get enquires for cowboys wantin work every day. What's more important to you, your job or some buddy you go fishin with a couple of times a year? You got two days to get down there and get back after that I'll hire someone else." And unsure whether it would be enough time, Ennis told him that two days should do it.

Before he left he went and saw Junior and Jenny. Junior invited him. It was the first time he had been in Alma's house since thanksgiving years ago. Alma and Munro were at working in the grocery store. He thought how different she kept a house then when they were married. Knickknacks and ornaments flooded the shelves and the sofa was stacked with chintz cushions. His long legs struggled to find space underneath the coffee table.

He told them he'd be away for a couple of days as his buddy from Texas needed a hand to get back to Wyoming. "You remember Jack. He's the one I go fishing with sometimes. You met him once." Jenny said might have done but couldn't remember and then talked about a school trip to Casper to see an Indian museum.

Junior had said she remembered Jack driving out to the ranch house when they had stayed the weekend and said "I expect he'll appreciate you going down there, you and him being friends for so long." He asked them to drive by the ranch to make sure the horses had enough feed and water while he was gone.

It was only when he was on the interstate nearing the Wyoming border thought how easy it had been. This had been the first time he had gone somewhere other than the mountains to see Jack since they had met, although Jack had tried to get him go other places. Yet when they were on Brokeback he would roll over like a dog giving in to every little thing that Jack wanted. It was only when they returned to the plains all that changed. And as he drove his mind drifted back to nineteen-sixty-three and being with Jack on Brokeback Mountain.

They were sitting beside the fire and Jack had asked him,

"So how long you and Alma been together?"

"Not that long."

"You two must have hit it off you wantin to marry her so fast"

"She's alright. What's wrong with getting married?"

"Friend, every man needs a wife."

"How about you? You got anyone?"

"No. There's been a few but no one special. All the girls love bronc riders. They especially go for them quiet types like you. If you done more rodeos I bet you'd meet yourself a ton of girls."

Jack had sat astride him and pulled off his shirt. The firelight flickered over his skin casting shadows of solid shapes that danced across the muscles on his chest and arms, his thighs hugged Ennis's hips. As Jack laughed down at him, Ennis felt himself harden. Jack raised his eyebrows knowingly, smiled and began undoing the buttons of Ennis's jeans. Looking back now, Ennis wondered whether Jack must have found it strange that when he talked about getting married and not being queer that how he reacted when Jack touched him sent him a different message. And when Jack talked about the girls Ennis wanted to ask him about the boys he had been with because he knew there had been them too. Ennis felt a stab of jealousy and had half opened his mouth to demand to know who it was that Jack had known before him, but Jack's mouth was busy and instead of interrupting him, Ennis rocked his hips gently in encouragement and tousled Jack's hair.

Jack had maneuvered himself so he was curled around Ennis. When Ennis felt a warm column nudging against his back and he realized what Jack intended he said irritably, "What do you think your doin."

Jack ran his hand over his flank and whispered to him as if he was calming a horse, "Shoosh, shoosh.'

The next words spoken were Jacks as he breathed in his ear, "I knew you'd like it."

Ennis had said nothing, just turned his head and kissed him.

They had been oblivious to the rain starting. Now it splashed down heavily, damping the fire as it smoldered, sputtered then died, hissing out smoke. Drops of warm summer rain ran off their bodies. As they got up they brushed away damp pine needles and gritty bark sticking to their skin.

Jack had slapped his arm and said, "Hope this fucking rain stops before nightfall. You should stay here with me, not be in that fucking pup tent."

They lay in the tent huddled up together in the bedroll. Jack was on his back with Ennis laying half on top of him. He felt tired but had wanted to stay awake enjoying listening to strong beat of rain on the tarpaulin echoing the rhythm of Jack's heartbeat. Each time he would move slightly, Jack would hold him closer and kiss the top his head and stroke his shoulders. He must have fallen asleep. When he woke and checked the watch in pocket of his jacket, hours had passed. He pulled on his clothes and saw Jack with his back to him standing by the fire seemingly half asleep. Ennis had put his arms around him from behind and hummed an almost forgotten song that his mother had sung when he was very young and stayed holding him as the sky darkened and coyotes would be prowling round the sheep waiting their chance. He knew he had to go the sheep but didn't want to leave.

He had always thought that something had grabbed hold of him on Brokeback Mountain and compelled him to run back to the mountains every time he got a postcard for years to come. But looking back now he had to admit that's what he had wanted. He had never wanted to leave the mountain and return to plains. It was now seven months since he'd seen Jack. If anything did have hold of him it seemed to be holding back from being with Jack. For years he had felt the weight of his father's hand heavy on his shoulder leading him to see the corpse of an old rancher when he was nine years old, but his father's grip was now loosening and his hand seemed to be falling away.

What was it that kept Jack returning to him all these years? For there were things that Jack had been trying to tell him since they had first met on Brokeback Mountain but he hadn't wanted to hear them. He remembered the outpouring of frustration and bitterness last time they had met. Perhaps things had changed and he was unsure of what was left between them. But he knew he wouldn't find out by staying in Riverton. He had to go to Denver.


	7. Chapter 7

Ennis drove along an icy, winter highway towards Denver. Jack had hurt his arm. From what his mom had said it didn't sound that serious. He would be out of hospital tomorrow. And after all this time, he had had split up with his wife but that was no surprise. Lureen's family owned the business and Jack worked for her. Ennis had enough money for food and motel room before driving back to Lightning Flat. The nearer he got to Denver the more he longed to be close to Jack. It would be the first time they had laid together in a bed instead of a bedroll in a tent for years. As his truck he crawled along Ennis drummed his fingers on the steering wheel impatient to close the distance between them. Fifty miles out of Denver the engine of his truck cut out, stalled and lost power. He slammed his hands on the steering wheel calling his truck a goddamn bitch for breaking down on him now. The truck heaved on for several miles until Ennis saw a sign for a town up ahead of him.

As he turned in the main street he saw a two pump gas station. Tacked on the back was a garage with a sign that said, 'Roy's Auto Repair'. The shutter door was closed. Ennis asked the boy pumping gas where Roy was and the boy told him Roy might be in the bar down the road. The streets were empty but the bar was full. There was a jukebox blaring and a few men were shooting pool. Ennis bought a beer and asked the bartender if Roy was in. The bartender told him that Roy wasn't, but John, his brother was over there at the pool table.

A man in his mid-thirties hunched over his pool cue about to take a shot glanced up momentarily and said, "My brothers out of town - won't be back till next week."

He took a shot and pocketed the ball.

"I need the garage. My trucks broken down. I got to get to Denver tonight."

"Garage is closed. Somebody should be driving through to Denver in morning. You could leave truck here and Roy will fix it when he gets back," John said as he circled the table considering his next shot.

"I have to be back Wyoming before then. Anyway I could get in there to fix my truck."

"I've got the keys but I'm no mechanic I don't know nothing about trucks." The ball whirled across the table stopping just short of the pocket.

"I can fix it myself all I need is the tools and a couple parts your brother must have. I think I know what's wrong with the damn thing."

John stared at Ennis long and hard and said, "Well alright. If you think you can do the job yourself."

They returned to the garage. John opened a pad lock and unwound a thick metal chain off the door. He turned the light on and pulled a switch. The heavy, roller door in front cranked up.

Ennis jumpstarted the truck drove in the garage and looked under the hood. John leant against a workbench watching. As he checked the engine and Ennis peered at John sideways. Something about him reminded him of Jack. They were about the same age and build but there was something else and Ennis couldn't think what. Ennis said, "It's the alternator I need some brushes."

"Roy keeps his parts here."

John started opening up cupboards and pulling out boxes. With his back turned to him, Ennis noticed the way his shirt stretched tight across his shoulders. He wore black jeans tucked into worn boots. When he turned round Ennis saw a rodeo buckle glinting on his belt. He wanted to see Jack so much he felt like maybe he was going a little crazy.

John said, "You recognize the buckle. Steer wrestling. I won this for a steer I threw in a little over four seconds - you rodeo yourself?"

"Now and again, when I was younger," Ennis said. I gotta friend who rodeo'd in Texas- used to ride bulls. You mind if I look." He shuffled through the boxes and holds one up, "This is what I need."

John said, "If you're alright I'll leave you to it."

"Sure," said Ennis.

When John returns he brings Ennis coffee in a cardboard cup and two cheese and tomato sandwiches in a brown paper bag.

"Just about done. No way was that truck going to make Denver," Ennis said. He pulled down the hood. "Thank you," he said taking one of the sandwiches and after taking a bite realized that he was hungry and hadn't eaten all day. "I sure appreciate it."

"I know what you ranch folk are like - always in hurry. You do ranch work - right?"

"I bet you could tell that by the truck I'm driving."

"I could tell by putting two and two together," John said. "I can tell by the way you walk you spend a lot of time on a horse and your hands sure don't look like you do indoor work. You got that look about you like you're used to working out on your own." He was standing so close to him and Ennis could inhale the scent of the bar; smoke and warm beer, and some type of soap or cologne. "I bet you spend a lot of time on your own. You prefer to keep yourself to yourself don't you?" John's voice was warm and easy but his eyes held an intensity that captured Ennis in an almost intractable hold. He put his hand on Ennis's arm and said, "But right now maybe you could do with some company."

"It's been a long time, "Ennis said.

"I guessed that too."

"Look I'm grateful for your help but I gotta get to my friend. He's in hospital." Ennis was about to turn away when he heard tires screeching and sirens in the distance. He was wrenched back to awareness of the world outside the garage.

"Get your fucking hand off me," Ennis said. He took a couple of strides back.

"What the fucks the matter with you?" John said searching his face. "What's wrong? You look like you seen a ghost. It's just the local boys racing one another out on the back roads and the cop on duty giving them hell for it. It's nothing, best entertainment they got here on a Saturday. Gives them both something to do."

"I don't know what the fuck you think you're doing, "Ennis said

John pulled the door switch looking at Ennis as if he was releasing a trapped animal back to wild. The heavy metal door of the garage creaked up and fragile early evening light flooded in.

As Ennis got into his truck he heard John say, "Take it easy Cowboy."

As he drove out of town, Ennis asked himself what the hell got into him back there? Once he caught up with Jack he weren't never going to let him get away again.

Ennis made Denver at night time. Above was a full moon shining with a soft ethereal glow and before him the garish red and yellow lights of the Denver skyline bled into night, He found Jack lying at the end of a ward full of old men pared down to skin and bone who were stuck in a no man's land between life and death. Their wizened bodies hooked up to drips and masks and machines; the only glue holding them on this world and preventing them from entering the next. Jack lay in a bed at the end of the ward by a window, still and pale beneath pale blue and white hospital blankets. One of his arms was bandaged and bound up in a sling. The oversized mustache that Ennis had never really liked had disappeared sometime over the last seven months since he had seen him. His eyes were slightly open but unfocused.

"Jack, I'm here" Ennis said, brushed his fingers over Jack's forehead, smoothed back his hair and stooped down and lightly kissed his mouth. Jack's lips were dry with an acrid taste of something vaguely medicinal. He became aware of nurse peering at him behind a curtain, standing beside one of the old timers doing something with a tube.

She looked flustered. Her eyes darting away, cheeks flushed and words fluttered out of her small shiny mouth a little breathless, "Why I'm sorry. He just got back from theatre a couple of hours ago. He woke up earlier on but he's still recovering from the anesthetic."

"I thought he was getting out tomorrow," Ennis said.

"That was the plan but the doctor said he needed an operation on his shoulder so it will heal properly. He's staying here an extra couple of days and then home. You got any idea where his home is? Lucky to still be here, he said his truck got written off. Lucky he got friends."She looked over to a man with a beard; rangy under the heavy padding of his sheepskin jacket that had just walked into the ward. He reminded Ennis of somebody who he might have worked with in the past. Through deep set, dark eyes he eyed Ennis curiously.


	8. Chapter 8

He came over and stood on the opposite side by Jack's bed and said, "He still out of it?"

"I only just got here," said Ennis.

"Randall Malone, one of Jack's friends from Childress."

"Ennis Del Mar".

They stood outside on the steps of the hospital near the main entrance. In the frosty night Randall was shivering under his sheepskin coat. Ennis, unperturbed by the cold still in a jacket. Randall offered Ennis a cigarette. Ennis refused even though he had ran out of smokes and was wound up and tense. This was one situation he hadn't expected.

"Suppose a few things have happened since you last seen him," said Randall.

"How'd he end up here?"

"Said he fell asleep driving. Maybe he'd been drinking. He's been drinking more of late. He seems alright. Won't be able to use his arm for a while but nothing permanent." Randall smiled and shook his head, "Looks like Jack's getting his visitors all at once. Before we showed up the only visitor he had has been Lureen and she was pissed with him."

"I heard the two of them split up."

"That happened some time back. Haven't seen him for a couple of months. Come here to give a ride back down to Childress but the Doc's told him he has to have extra surgery. Can't wait any longer. Got some new stud stock arriving. I'll try and get back here when they let him home"

"I thought he was going back to Lightning Flat. His folks are expectin him up there."

"Might have done but he's changed his mind. Talk to him yourself. He should be awake soon."

There was question on Ennis's lips that he was burning to ask but instead he said, "Come to think of it Jack might a mentioned you. You the ranch foreman?"

"That's right. My boss is one of Laureen's best customers. Jack asked me to come up to Wyoming take a look at his folks ranch. They're finding times hard. I told him its best if they sell up. Small places like that are dying out. To survive you got to big enough to diversify. But you must know what Jack's like - always wanting to jump in feet first and drag everyone else along with him."

"You tell me." Ennis said. His voice was tight and low. This must be one of the ones he suspected had been there all along. A jealous fury began to ignite within him.

When Randall continued to stare back at him impassively Ennis thought that maybe he'd got all wrong and his reaction hadn't demanded such vehemence. He added, "I was expectin him up five weeks back for a fishing trip. Didn't know what happened."

So this is the Ennis del Mar who had so much hold over Jack, Randall thought to himself. Jack never talked much about Ennis and would never say or hear anything bad about him, but Randall knew that Ennis treated Jack like dirt only ever agreeing to meet with him a couple of times a year out in the back of nowhere. Yet he couldn't see the sense to stay away from Ennis. It was one of the sore points between them.

Randall leaned forward and spoke in a deliberate tone, "He might have been going up there to visit his folks. When I talked to him he said he was tired of going fishing in Wyoming. Said he'd been fishing there long enough and it was always too damned cold."

"You and him seem to do a lot of talkin?"

"We known one another awhile. He talked about you some."

"You got something to say, come right out and fucking say it. You the one he's been goin with behind my back?"

"What do you mean – behind your back? Who'd want to drive nine hundred miles just to get laid? And I sure haven't been the only one - not that it's any of your damned business. "

Randall would have said he and Ennis were pretty evenly matched in fight. He been on the College wrestling team and this Ennis came across as little slow. But he never saw where the punch was coming from before he was lying on his back with Ennis's elbow digging into his windpipe and his head wrenched back

"Whatever it was what's gone on before - from now on you stay the fuck away from both of us if you know what's good for you," Ennis said. "You hear what I'm saying."

"I hear." Randall said.

People who were walking in and out of the hospital had paused and were looking over. When he heard someone say, "You'd better call security." Ennis stood up and watched as Randall as he got unsteadily on his feet. He spat on the ground, picked up his hat, stuck it back on his head it on and walked towards the hospital entrance. The small group of people that had gathered stopped talking and stepped back as he passed by.

Back on the ward Ennis passed by the nurse he saw in Jack's room sitting at the front desk writing in a file. As he walked down the corridor she called out to him, "Visiting hours is over sir."

"I just want to have few words with my friend."

"I can't let you go down there. You'd be disturbing the patients trying to get some rest."

"Ma'am I promise we'll be real quiet."

"I just left him and he's still asleep. I expect he'll be needing his rest too. If he wakes up I'll let him that you came to see him. What name shall I say?"

"Ennis del Mar. Tell him I'll be up tomorrow."

Ennis found his way downtown, not knowing where he was going and getting lost between the tall buildings It was Saturday night; noisy and chaotic with people spilling out of the sidewalk and on to the road . A couple arm and arm sauntered recklessly in front of his pickup and banged on the hood. Country music roared from the bars. Some drunk was standing on the street corner bawling out a Chet Aitkins song but no one paid him any mind. It suddenly occurred to him he hadn't given John the money for the part that he used to put in his truck and could have looked for a room. Instead, he found an empty parking lot, pulled up and feeling hot despite the mid December chill rolled the window halfway down. He spent the night in the truck falling asleep to the smells of gasoline, stale food and dirty snow. He was looking for answers. It was a clear winters evening and the vast black night was brilliantly flecked with stars. As he looked up the sky pressed down on him and the stars appeared close by.

Jack woke up in the middle of night. His mouth was parched, still groggy from the anesthetic and his arm and side aching . The nurse poured him a glass of water and as she helped him sit up she said, "You had a visitor yesterday. Come by when you were asleep. He said his name was Ennis Del Mar."

"Ennis? You sure he said his name was Ennis?"

"He was tall, kind of lanky - brown wavy hair. "

Ennis. The last thing Jack expected was that Ennis would go anywhere other than the mountains to see him. After the anger and accusations that were vented when they last met and nothing good had come of it, Jack had decided it would be kinder to both of them if he stayed away. He had spent nearly twenty years hoping that Ennis would come round. He didn't want be blamed any more for making him what he was. If it wasn't for him Ennis might of made a go of it with the waitress back in Riverton he had spoken of last time they met. Then Ennis had sent him a postcard thinking they could just pick up where they had left off. Jack had been thrilled to get it but the only other time Ennis had sent him a postcard was to let him know his divorce had come through and Jack had got the meaning of that one wrong. He still cringed at the thought of it. He had at last succumbed to the realization that it was never going to work out between them. And now he needed to get back to Texas and sort things out down there. He hoped that Randall was still around and he could get a lift back with him.

One of the old men died during the night. Jack laid awake watching shadows of the nurses moving quickly behind the curtain pulled round the bed and listening to their calm, hushed voices. He marveled at the practiced and business-like manner they dealt with death; seamlessly preparing the body, disconnecting the machines till finally a gurney rattled by its wheels squeaking. He thought again of the things in his life that he still needed to do. Jack stayed awake as a watery grey dawn broke over the city. He drifted off to sleep and woke up and looked at the clock to see if was any sooner to visiting hours , and like a habit he found impossible to break his anticipation to see Ennis grew stronger with each passing moment.


	9. Chapter 9

Ennis came in the next morning still wearing the same worn brown corduroy jacket Jack had last seen him in back in May.

"They told me you were here but damned if I believed them," Jack said.

Ennis pulled the curtain round the bed behind him and sat down on the bed. He reached out to hold Jack pausing unsure of what to do with Jack's arm resting in a sling. He rubbed his hand over the stubble of jack's cheek and leaned forward and kissed him; rough and pressured at first then easing back until his lips were slightly parted and yielding. Jack slid his tongue into his mouth. Ennis's cradled the back of Jacks head caressing the back of his neck with his thumb as they kissed. Jack ran his hand over Ennis's arm and could feel his muscles hard and sinewy under his jacket from a lifetime of outdoor work. Jack's hand wound round Ennis's side feeling the hardness of his back. He pressed his face against the matted brown faux sheepskin collar imbued with smell of mown hay that reminded him of home. Finding a gap between his T-shirt and pajama bottoms Ennis slid his hand underneath stoking Jack's hip.

"You alright?" Ennis said, then quickly stood up leaning against the window. Jack realized he got up in response to the regimental thud of a nurses shoes entering the room. He could hear brisk movements; stripping down a bed and remaking it. Ennis leaned against the window sill looking at the floor while the nurse hovered about changing the sheets.

Jack drew a breath. "Good to see you Bud. How did you find out I was here?"

"Your Mom wrote to me and let me know you were here. Asked me to come down and see how you were. What happened?"

"I was on my way to Wyoming Next thing I know I'm here. Broke my shoulder. Had surgery yesterday. Told me it should be alright now. Stuck me in a ward full of geriatrics. I told them to put me somewhere else. It's the end of the road for most of them. All I'm hearing is them comin in and out, listening to them wheelin them off and I can't get any damned sleep. It ain't therapeutic.

Jack hesitated, searching Ennis's face but saw that he had drawn into himself and was indecipherable. "I haven't seen you outside the mountains for years. Half expecting you'd be carrying your 30.06 with you. So how you likein Denver?"

"More traffic, bigger buildings. I dont't know.

The nurse went out. Her absence didn't appear to make Ennis any more relaxed and to keep the conversation going Jack said. "Sure as hell was surprised to see you."

"Had a hard time gettin off work. Could a lost my job."

"Look if you need some money."

Ennis's eyes narrowed, "I don't want your damned money. I came here last night and was talkin to your buddy Randall."

So that was it Jack thought and hoped that Randall had enough have the sense to keep quiet, "Oh so you met Randall - he was goin to give me a lift back down to Texas. Why? What he say to you?"

"We was talkin about ranchin. Seemed to think he knows a lot about it."

"He's been to college and studied animal husbandry."

Ennis turned away and looked around the room to see if anyone else was there. When he began speaking again the tone of his voice had hardened , "Seems to know you real well too. He the same as you? Is that it Jack Twist? You two been messin round with one another. Cause I told you last time I seen you I ain't standin for it."

So it was back to where they left off, Jack thought. The struggle had resumed but he was no longer up for the fight. "Yeah you did, didn't you? And you call the shots." Jack said. Even after knowing him this long he was never ready for the way Ennis could sweep him away only to send crashing down and was angry at himself for getting caught off guard again. "You want the truth. Randall come up here as a friend to see if I needed any help which is something you've never done. I am so tired of lying. Tell you what, I don't want to pretend to be somethin that I know I ain't and am never gonna be. You want a keep lying to yourself, you go right ahead. I'm done with it. Now I don't know what your fuckin doin here but I see nothin's changed."

"You never wrote. I ain't heard from you in months. Didn't you get my card?"

"Yeah. I got it."

"Why the hell didn't you write back. You should a let me know what's goin on."

"When the hell have you ever wanted to know? I have tried so hard to keep us together .You been tryinto get rid of me for years. Maybe I finally got the message. I don't know why my mom got you down here for but you can see I'm alright."

Feeling tired, Jack leaned his head back on the pillow and closed his eyes. He could hear footsteps other people in the room and muffled conversations. . Jack regretted what he said and knew that his words would have wounded Ennis. He started to say, "Come on Ennis. I didn't mean it. It's alright," but when he opened his eyes Ennis was gone. Despite never having done so, between the times they weren't together Jack had always felt guilty that he had not managed remain faithful to Ennis, and he could see why Ennis felt he had the right to demand fidelity. Jack knew they belonged together and try as he might deny it, Jack was aware that Ennis knew it too. Jack had spent the best part of twenty years hoping that Ennis would finally admit it, and they could share a life together. When they had last been together, and Jack had finally let him know the depth of his frustration it was the first time he had seen Ennis cry and for the first time he had begun to think that perhaps, meeting in the mountains a couple of times a year would be the most that Ennis was ever capable of giving him.

As he stood watching Ennis drive away back in May, Jack remembered a time on Brokeback Mountain when Ennis had held him from behind and they gently swayed together in front of the fire. It was the first time he was aware that Ennis may be returning his feelings. At the time he remembered that embrace had been full of promise of a shared future together. Looking back the future that he had yearned for had never come to pass. Their feelings for each other were frozen in time; trapped on the cold snows of Brokeback Mountain in 1963. He wanted to ask Ennis what he wanted now, but he had disappeared again and the familiar feeling of desolation swept through him.


	10. Chapter 10

Ennis watched as Jack lay back on the pillow noticing dark shadows under his eyes and the lines across his forehead had deepened. After seven months apart there had been some unalterable shift and the situation had again moved forward beyond his grasp. He was aware that room had filled with people. He could hear the conversations of people visiting relatives and knew whatever he said would be overheard too. On their last day on Brokeback Mountain he had let the same hot rush of anger take over, decked Jack out and had not seen him for four years. He had come looking for answers and what answers he had only led to more questions. He remembered Jack's tired expression and knew that whatever happened from here on in he needed to be careful.

Ennis left the hospital and had an urge to get clear of the city. He wished he could turn back the clock and Jack was sitting beside him in the truck and they were heading off into the mountains. He drove aimlessly round snow covered parks and suburbs and then got back on the highway heading back to the town he had got his truck fixed on the way to Denver. He stopped at the bar he'd visited and looked over to the pool table but could not see John.

The barman recognized Ennis and said, "You still having trouble with your truck. John's at work. I can ring him if you want." He went out the back and when he returned told him that John was just finishing his shift and would be over in about an hour. Ennis bought himself a beer and waited. When John walked in he was wearing a law enforcement badge pinned to a buttoned up blue shirt.

Outside the bar Ennis said, "I got that money I owe you for the part. I don't normally run off without paying."

John said, "Never thought you were the type that would. Just surprised to see you back here. Why don't we go over the garage and I can write you out a receipt."

As he John undid the heavy lock on the door he said to Ennis, "Lucky you come back here cause I have no idea what you put in that truck of yours. Roy would have torn a piece off me."

They entered the cold, cavernous garage and John said "You want to show me what it was you took." Ennis looked on the shelves and pulled a box down and followed John to the back of the garage. John opened the door to a poky office and switched on the light to reveal an old wooden desk strewn with papers and an ancient filing cabinet, there was a playboy calendar tacked up and a tattered, threadbare couch along one wall. John pulled a string to turn on a rusted wall heater and started undoing the buttons on his shirt.

Ennis said "How did you know? Can people tell? Sometimes I think people are looking at me cause they can see it in me."

John paused from getting undressed and said, "Hell no. Where you get that idea from? I guess I could see something in you that recognize in myself. I hide it too. I took risk. Half expected you to be beat the tar out of me. These small towns can be lonely places. Loneliness can drive a man take risks that he ought not to."

"You take risks like that where I come from you can get yourself killed."

"Maybe it's high time you got yourself out of there for a while." John said and Ennis began to take off his shirt.

John unzipped his trousers and ran his hand up and down his hard shaft and ran his other hand over Ennis's torso. Ennis undid his belt keeping his eyes transfixed on rhythmic motion of John's hand. His movements were slow and tranced as he languidly undid his jeans and let them slide on to the floor. He sat down on the couch and pulled John towards him. When he is laying underneath him, Ennis's movements become hurried and fervent.

"Who's Jack?" John said half lying back on the couch smoking one of Ennis's cigarettes.

Ennis sat on the other end of the couch and said, "My friend - the one that's in hospital in Denver. He lives down in Texas. I'm in Wyoming we don't get together all much – that was why. How do you know about Jack?"

"You said that name when we were doing it. He's really your boyfriend?"

"I don't whether you'd call him that. Happen he might a had enough of me anyway."

"That's tough. Come all this way to see him and you find that out. I used to have a friend like that once. We were both in the army stationed in different platoons. We only could only get together every so often."

"Jack wanted us to live together. I thought if it weren't for him I could change and not be like this. We met when we just kids herding sheep together in Brokeback Mountain up in the Bighorns. For a long time I thought that Brokeback was all there was for us."

"You're wasting your time trying to change it. I been through that and it doesn't work. I don't see the point in feeling bad about something you can't do anything about. I told my family. Sick of them trying fix me with every divorced woman in town. I only wish the Colorado Police would be as understanding as what they've been. But times are changing. I've had enough of small town life. Starting a new job with LAPD in a couple of weeks' time. You on your way back to Wyoming?"

"Can't go back there now. I'm going back to Denver. Try and make it up with my friend. I got a get movin. I need to make a couple of phone calls to Wyoming. You and your friend split up?"

"No. He died in action over in Vietnam going on ten years ago." John said as he pulled his clothes back on. "You can use the phone here. I'll settle up with Roy when he gets back. Just make sure you lock up when you go. Well, if you're ever out in L.A. I might see you round."

"You bet."

Ennis rang Riverton and spoke to Jenny. He said, "Hey Honey. I might be up in Denver to a little longer than what I had planned. Could you ask Junior to let Steve know I been held up. If he wants the horses out ask Don at Triple B if he could keep them for a few days. Tell him I'll pay him when I get back."

"Everything alright?"

"Jack's goin be in hospital a while longer than they thought but once they let him out we'll be headin back to Wyoming."

"I guess me and Junior will see you when you get back."

"I'll be back as soon as can but I can't let Jack down."

Ennis then made a phone call to Lightning Flat. On the other end of the phone someone said, "Who is it?" The voice that sounded like Jack but was older and harder; Ennis knew he was talking to Jack's old man.

"Ennis Del Mar. Friend of Jacks."

"I know who you are. You're the fella that Jack's always saying he's going bring up here."

"I'm down in Denver Just rang to let you know I've seen him. He seems alright. They're going to let him go soon."

"I'll pass the message on to his mama."

"He busted his shoulder worse than what they thought. He won't be able to do much for a while. Needed some sort operation to mend it properly. I am going to stay with him but now he talkin about goin back to Texas."

"If he comes back here shes goin to waitin on him and he's not goin to be contributin nothing. What is it he's goin to do?"

"Why don't ring him and ask him what he's plannin to do yourself?"

"Whats the use of that. Known Jack his plans won't turn out the way he thinks they're goin to. He keeps promising he'll come back, lend a hand and help run the ranch. Was comin up a couple months back but never ended up comin . Rang up and said he was having trouble with his son. That boy sounds even more spoiled then what he was."

"I just rang to let you know he was alright."

"Don't you hang up on me. Not so goddamn fast. Police have been ringing here wantin information about the accident."

"Why? What's he done?"

"I said you'd go down and see them."

"I don't think it's me that should be doin that."

"You're the one he keeps runnin back to making fool of himself all these years. It is you isn't it? She sent you down to get him back. You can go and talk to them. I sure as hell don't know what to say to them."


	11. Chapter 11

Ennis sat across from a beefy detective whose shirt was too tight for his neck in a in a dull, windowless interview room at a Denver Police Station.

The Detective said, "We're still trying get a picture of what happened. I talked his wife. Spoke to his father. He said you'd be down. You two know one another long?"

"He's an old buddy of mine. We known each other since before he moved to Texas."

"What do you know about the accident?"

"Just what he said. He was on his way to Wyoming, and he fell asleep drive'n."

"He might have been going to Wyoming but he must have changed his mind. He was heading out of town east on a back road."

"He been drinkin?"

"There was alcohol but it was well below the legal limit."

"What's the problem then?"

"It was a serious accident. You notice last time you saw him he seemed unhappy."

"Jack? No. You might say Jack's someone who always looks on the sunny side of life. He never said it was that serious. All he said he done was break his shoulder."

The Detective opened a manila folder that had sat on the table, took some tiny steel-rimmed reading glasses perched them on top of his pock-marked nose and started turning pages in the file, "He crashed into a concrete utility post. Took the cables down . Broke his ribs. Concussion. He ripped his spleen. Nearly died on the operating table. Got lucky or maybe unlucky depending on what his intention was. That's what I bought you in here to talk about. His truck swerved off the road for no reason. He says he fell asleep but after examining the tire tracks it looks like he accelerated into the post. Nothing wrong with the vehicle - nothing wrong with him either. Weather conditions good. Could it have been deliberate?" The Detective shuts the file and stares at Ennis. "You understand what I'm saying. How likely do you think it was he might have attempted suicide?"

"Jack wouldn't do nothin like that."

"We spoke to wife. She told another story. Didn't surprise her. She said since he returned from Wyoming last spring he acted different. Said he wasn't concentrating on his job, drinking more than he usually did. When she told him he better start attending to what needed attending to, he told her he wanted a divorce. When you see him in Wyoming you notice anything? You sure he told you nothing else?"

"No. Nothin."

"There's been damage to government property. Insurance claims have been filed. We got to investigate it."

In the interview room a dim fluorescent light flickered overhead. An electric clock on the wall made a faint hum that seemed to grow louder and louder until Ennis felt a compulsion get up and tear it off the wall but then the detective stood up reached into his pocket and handed him a card and said, "Thanks for dropping by. If you got anything else to add, you get hold of me."

When Ennis walked into the ward swished back curtains on a rail Jack was sitting in a chair dressed and ready to leave. He was filling out some forms on a table in front of him. He frowned when he saw Ennis and said, "You still here. I thought you'd be back in Riverton by now."

Ennis said, "You finally got me out of Wyoming It ain't any warmer and I didn't expect to be meetin you here but I thought I might as well stick round anyway. I thought you were meant to stay here an extra day or two."

Jack said, "I told them I wanted to go. Just waitin for the doctor come back with some papers. I've got a write a statement out for the police. They said they talked to you. Why was that?

"I don't know. Just asked me what happened. I told them just what you told me."

"You ring my mama and tell her I'm alright. She don't seem to want to hear it from me."

"I spoke to your dad. I let them know I seen you and your shoulders going to take a while to heal."

"You told him that. Shit."

"I promised your Mom I'd stay. Make sure you got home alright."

"You don't have to do that. Like I said, I'm goin back to Texas. I'm spendin the night in Denver then I can make my own way back. I've been talkin to Lureen. My boy is gettin in a shitload of trouble. Missinschool, hangin out with people he shouldn't, gettin in trouble with the law. One time all I hear is that he's just like his granddaddy, now all I'm hearing is that he's turning out to be just like me. Once Laureentook over the business it was mainly me that was lookin after him. Soon as we separate she moves some guy in I didn't know she'd been seeing. I still work for her on commission but once we split I wanted out of all that. I been gettin ranch work here and there when I can get it. She can afford to hire the big shot lawyers. Tells me to make myself scarce and instructs her lawyers to tell me stay away and let things settle down. She said that what Bobby needs is a normal family life. Then she wants me to talk to Bobby cause he's not listening to her. Just before I left for Wyoming I tried talkin to him, and he blames me for everything saying it's all my fault cause I never took me home with him when I went back to Wyoming and never took him on any fishing trips with me."

"What you think your goin to do about it now. Maybe you should go back to your folks for a while - get yourself right" Ennis said

"I don't want to argue 'bout it now. Right now all I want to do is get out the hell out a here."

As Jack talked Ennis remembered the way he was when they were younger . The young Jack, the fast talker with ready smile who was always moving ahead, not settling for less, not wanting to settle, wanting to get away, go anywhere. What had happened over the years? As Jack stared back at him with a guarded, listless expression, Ennis tried to figure out what the else had been damaged along with his spleen and shoulder.

Ennis said, "I'm sorry. Been meanin to tell you that for such a long time."

Jack said, "Hell, You got nothing to be fuckin sorry for. I just seemed to be chasing somethin that was long gone. You never did want nothin else and you were honest 'bout that. I know you got your reasons."

"Never wanted it but could never figure out how to let you go neither. If I lost you, I don't think I could stand it."

When Jack spoke again his voice was tender and exasperated, "Jesus. Ennis You are somethin else. I don't know what I'm gonna do 'bout you." Jack began to wonder whether Ennis had travelled much further than the three hundred and fifty miles from Riverton to Denver and had crossed a monumental divide that Jack had given up hope would ever be crossed.

"That friend from Texas that was here. Any other guys you been with - I don't blame you."

Jack said, "None of em ever meant nothing. I guess cause there was always this guy back in Wyoming. The one I met years ago herdin sheep, who I could never get out of my head."

Jack was giving Ennis one of those looks that in the past made him feel uncomfortable, at times even a little violent, but his time he didn't look away. He reached out and took Jack's hand, held it in both of his and said, "Jack I swear, from now on things are going to be different."

In a dingy motor lodge in downtown Denver, Ennis took a long shower letting the warm water pour over him, pricking at his skin until Jack had called out asking him if he was alright When he called back that he was, Jack called, "Hurry the fuck then." He put on a clean pair of jeans he had taken with him and walked barefoot across the faded orange swirls of autumnal toned carpet to the bed. The snow was billowing down outside. Ennis lay next to Jack on the bed. The once white sheets had darkened to an off white, frayed in places, and stiff with bleach from thousands of washes."

"You sure you're alright now"

"You mean my arm? They said it'll be another six weeks before I can start using it again."

Ennis helped Jack remove his jacket over the thickly padded sling that covered his arm. When he tugged up Jack's shirt he found a plastic dressing plastered on his side below his ribs. "My side, I just got a be careful with for a while. Get it checked at a clinic in a weeks' time,"

Ennis rubbed his hand over the front of Jack's jeans. The denim material rose and stiffened under his fingers. Ennis said, "Looks like something's still workin the way it should." He unzipped Jack's jeans, freed his cock and clasping it in his hand, licked the velvety, taut skin on the head before sliding his lips over it wanting to get as much of it as possible into his mouth. Jack stroked his arms and back moving his hand beneath waistband of his jeans stroking his butt cheeks, trailing along the crevice in between.

"You look damn good," Jack said, "I used to ask myself what I''m doin drivin fourteen hours to fuckin freeze to death. Now I know."

"You look good too," Ennis said and then quieting him by covering his mouth with his and gently prodding his lips open with his tongue.

Ennis stood up and took off his own jeans. He was already fully aroused and a smear of precum gleamed on the tip. Jack ran his hand appreciatively along the length, his eyes softened with longing and he said, "Bring that here."

As Ennis allowed himself be guided towards Jack's waiting mouth he smiled down at Jack affectionately. So much had happened since he had last seen him back in May, most of which he was still trying grasp and he had no idea what lay ahead. In the midst of so many changes it was comforting to know that some things remained the same.


	12. Chapter 12

Jack lay in bed still half asleep, unsure of where he was but aware of someone lying next to him and he instinctively moved closer, anchoring himself to the warm body. As he drifted towards wakefulness he realized it was Ennis with him and he tilted his head slightly, making out Ennis's face in the grey dawn, his features softened with sleep. Sensing movement, Ennis sighed, yawned and tossed his arm over Jack. Jack lay there until his shoulder started aching. He carefully lifted Ennis's arm off him and got out of bed. Jack got some pain medication out of bottle in an overnight bag and made his way to the bathroom. He was finishing taking a piss when he felt Ennis behind him, draping his arms around him and resting his head against his neck. He finished and moved aside, returning to the bed trying to pull his clothes on over the sling with one hand. He could hear hushed, shuffling sounds from the bathroom, a tap running, the shrill whine of a washer that needed replacing. Ordinary domestic sounds but extraordinary to Jack because Ennis was in a motel unit with him in Denver. Jack wasn't complaining. He couldn't think of anyone more he would rather be with in a motel than Ennis, but unsure of how the situation would unfold, was edgy.

"I'll fix us some breakfast," said Ennis, his voice still groggy from sleep. "I'm stavin."

Jack on the couch and watched Ennis as he rifled through a paper bag of groceries that he had bought the day before. He found some coffee and begin heating it up on a two ring burner, cooked some toast, and opened up a can. Steam rose up the cold windows covered by dusty, checkered curtains blocking out a pale winters day.

Ennis said, "Look what we got here – beans"

"Seems like old times." Jack said. He wanted to ask Ennis what him being here meant but he'd stopped asking Ennis questions outright years ago. He would cajole and sidestep, hoping to coax him into a response and avoid confrontation, fearing that Ennis would disappear from his life and wouldn't meet with him in the mountains again. That's how it had been up till May when he hadn't been able to hold his anger in any longer. But at this moment he wanted to keep things smooth between them.

Ennis spoke, "Your old man sure didn't sound too happy when I rung."

"Both my folks have got their troubles. My old man's gettin on and he's finding it hard to run the place by himself. Last time I phoned him from Texas he was yelling at me that I always let him down. Every time I come up to Wyoming to see you I always go there afterwards and try and to do what I can."

"You asked me once if I could go back with you to Lightning Flat. I could go back with you now, lend a hand."

"That offer still stands but my folks place is foldin up. When I was in hospital I spoke to my mom. She said that my old man had takin out a loan from a bank to cause they weren't gettin by. Course he wouldn't have asked me for the money bein as he hates me. He can't pay the bank back. There's no hope of them keepin the place now. He doesn't want to admit it and there's not much I can do to help them. I guess he hates me even worse now. How are things with you? You said you had trouble gettin off work."

Ennis frowned, hesitated and looked pensive, "Not sure if I got a job left to go back to. The boss give me a couple of days to off. Not much to tell. Girls are doin well. Junior just turned eighteen - got a high school diploma and a good job. Jenny's not far behind her."

"What about that little waitress you been seeing?"

"I stopped seeing her. It would never of worked"

"Oh. Why was that?" Jack asked.

"It was never goin to work cause it wasn't a guy," Ennis said as if it were obvious. "If it was a guy you might a had something to be worried about." And then he grinned. His smile was like a sunny spell in the middle of winter and Jack smiled back unable to resist its warmth. But what he had said gave him a jolt. Here Ennis was admitting to him that he preferred to have sex with men, not his usual grudgingly, paranoid way or as if he feared wanting to have sex with men meant some evil spirit had possessed him.

"You know that you're queer?"

And as naturally as Ennis and had said it, Jack responded in kind and then realizing the enormity of what he had just asked, he tensed waiting for Ennis get angry and storm off.

All Ennis did was stare sheepishly away and said, "Knew since I was a kid. I guess I got a learn to live with it. Can't do much about it, bein that I was made this way."

Jack broke into a surprised laugh.

"What?" said Ennis.

"I never thought I'd hear you talk like that."

"What about you? When did you first know?"

Jack said, "I knew when I was at school. My friends thought I was good with girls and they'd get me to talk to them, try and arrange dates for them. But I was really interested in them."

"Your folks they know, don't they?"

"Yeah. My mom knows, I guess, because she's my mom. My daddy knows too even though I never talked about it with either of them. My mamma's brother, he likes guys as well. I didn't find out till a few years back – it's a family secret. I'm pretty sure my mom's talked about it with him. Sure surprised to hear you come out and say it though. Last time I saw you thought it was something I'd done to you.

Ennis handed him plate of beans and toast and they sat together eating on the couch. In between mouthfuls of food Ennis spoke, "I shouldn't a said that. What you said back in May – you was right to say it. Should a been said a long time ago. I met up with my brother K.E. takin about how things were before the folks died. My old man was crazy. The whole family was scared of him. Who would fuckin do something like that? – Kill someone for no good reason and then take a couple of kids and show them it. I wouldn't want my girls seein nothing like that and I'd try and protect them from fellas who I even thought would do anything like that. Its time I figured things out for myself."

"You got it figured out now?"

"Not all of it. I been thinkin one way for so long it ain't easy to start thinkin something different. And I know what some people are like – I still don't want no one known nothing but what I'm saying Jack is I want us to stay together from now on."

"Ennis, it ain't that easy anymore."

"I thought that's what you wanted," Ennis said

"I did – I do, but lot's has happened. Back then I could get hold of money to get us our own place. I ain't got nothing now. All I'm living off is the insurance payout from my truck and I can't work for a while. And then there's Bobby. Your girls have grown up but Bobby only just turned fifteen."

"You always said that he was more of a Newsome. Never stopped you wanting to get away before. What's up with him anyway?"

"Too much of what he wanted and not enough of what he needed. Laureen and her family let him do what he wanted – I just stood by and let them take over. He got problems readin and writing and that's put's him behind. Never got much help with that. I got a start takin responsibility seein how they don't have fucking clue what to do with him. I know it's a long shot but I was goin to ask Lureen for a loan. Maybe she'd do it cause the ranch would pass to Bobby someday. If the ranch goes I don't know what my folks will do. My mamma can maybe stay with relatives but as for my old man -. So you can see, I got a lot on my mind at the moment. I'll go back to Texas and we can catch up later."

Ennis's shoulders stiffened and his expression darkened, "No, I'll go with you."

"I'd just be leading you into a mess," Jack said. "Go back to Riverton and try and get your job back. You only been gone four days. Just say you got held up. Once I get on top of things we can get together and work out what we're goin to do. Just drop me off at the bus station and I'll get someone to pick me up once I get to Childress. I'll be fine."

"No. If your goin down there, I'm goin with you."

An uneasy silence invaded the space between them. To fill the void Jack turned on the television. M.A.S.H was playing and they sat and watched Hot Lips Houlihan make smart ass remarks to Colonel Blake. Jack had no idea what Ennis liked to watch on television or if he liked watching television at all. This was the first time they had sat together on a couch in a room instead of huddled round a campfire in the cold mountain air for fifteen years. He stole a sideways glance at Ennis and saw that he was looking resolutely at the screen but did not seem interested.

Jack sighed and said, "The bus is less likely to break down then your fuckin truck but if you want a come, come."

By way of answer Ennis reached over and put his hand on the inside of Jack's thigh.

Jack tried to find another channel but found that the button to change the channels, held on with peeling scotch tape, was broken, "Nothin fuckin works in these cheap motels," he said.

"You allowed to take shower with what you got wrong with you?"

"Yeah, of course," Jack said sitting back down on the couch. "They give me a bunch of dressings to stick back on before I left the hospital. Why?"

"They got a good shower here. Maybe we could take a shower together before we leave."

Jack nodded, but Ennis wasn't looking at him he was pulling his jeans down and kissing the side of his neck. Jack relaxed. Even when talk between them was strained they always had this means of expression to fall back on. They hadn't seen each other for months and one thing hadn't changed - the same sense of urgency, the same sense of time flying.

By the time his truck reached Childress it had started making a grinding sound and Ennis knew he'd need more parts before returning to Wyoming. They parked in a street with neat manicured lawns and new brick, bungalows.

"This is where I used to live," said Jack.

Ennis sat in truck while Jack knocked on the door. A thin women with bleached blond hair piled high on her head opened the door. She glanced up and down the street stared fixedly at his truck and still staring said something to Jack. As they walked in to the house together Ennis thought Lureen hadn't looked the way he expected her to look, not that he had ever given much thought to what she did look like.


	13. Chapter 13

Jack followed Lureen into the living room. This had been his home for the past fourteen years. When he lived there he always felt like a guest, now he felt like a complete stranger. The house never had time to settle. The room comprised of an odd mish-mash of jarring colors and mismatched furniture that were bought on a whim when Lureen found time to browse through a catalogue while taking a coffee break from work, and then discarded. The photographs that hung on the wall were all of her family. There was a portrait of her father, L.D. Newsome, over the fireplace. In a cabinet were trophies from the days when she did her barrel racing. Everything that he had, that meant anything to him, he kept in his room back on his parent's ranch at Lightning Flat. Only his mom went into his room and he asked that she didn't throw anything away. When he was younger all he had wanted to do was get away from Lightning Flat, but now, when the bank was about to take the ranch, he felt drawn back there.

"Who's out there in that old truck." Lureen said standing by the window peering through the blinds.

"It's Ennis, my old fishing buddy from Wyoming. He give me a lift down here."

"The one that you always went back to Wyoming to see? The one that never came down here to visit you? I can see now what you mean by his truck not making it here. Don't know what the neighbors must be thinking."

Avoiding starting an argument Jack asked "What's been happenin with Bobby."

"He keeps missing school. Getting picked up the police wandering round. I tried talking to him. The school might not want him back. I haven't got time for all this. Been trying to run the business now that Daddy's retired and I lost my salesman. Been through three salesmen already since you left. None of them seem to work out."

"Something should a been done long before now. You should a got him extra help."

"He don't seem that bad. Daddy says it's the school that's the problem."

" Why you got a listen to your old man all the time. I used to sit and listen to him read. For some reason he just weren't gettin it, even though he was tryin as hard as he could."

"He's been asking after you all the time. He's been waiting for you to get back. You need to tell him."

Her eyes looked red under her dark eye makeup. Jack could see that she was upset and asked "What happened with that other fella you were with?"

"With everything going on he moved out for a while. Just didn't seem to work once he moved in here. Jack while you were up in hospital some detective rang up asking questions. You sure you ok?"

"I'm fine. If I weren't before, I had long enough to think about what I need to make things ok being stuck in hospital in Denver for five weeks. Why? What did he say?"

She looked at as if he were a set of numbers that didn't add up. "It doesn't matter. It seems silly now. When they didn't think you were going to pull through – I got the lawyer to look at your will. It said you wanted to cremated and your ashes scattered up some place called Brokeback Mountain. I don't know where Brokeback Mountain is. It's just like you wanting your ashes scattered in some place no one's ever heard of it."

"Brokeback Mountain's back home in Wyoming. I herded sheep there back in 1963"

'Must have enjoyed the sheep herding to want to have your final remains there."

"It wasn't much of a job. We didn't get paid for the work we done and all the sheep got mixed up with other herds during a storm."

"I thought it might have been some place where you like to drink. I know you like your whiskey."

"Done some drinkin up there. Can't deny that." Jack laughed and then turned away from her and said thoughtfully. "Me and my friend who I was workin with, we was happy up there. It was a place where you could be yourself; no one paid you any mind." He saw Lureen looking at him inquisitively, and he added, "I've got some good memories of that summer." Drawing back to the present he said, "I'll go down to the school and meet Bobby. Talk some sense into him."

"He always listened to you. Wanted to go back to Wyoming spend some time at your folks place."

"Lureen. My folks are probably goin to lose that place. Now I hate to ask you this – My old man's owes the bank money. I only just found about it. If you could give me a loan, I'll make sure it's paid back."

"Business has dropped off. We not selling as much machinery as we used to. Folks are making do with what they got."

"I understand. Forget I said anything."

"I'll make you a deal. I'll loan you the money but I want you back here. Our marriage lasted longer than most marriages, all things considering. I need a salesman and Bobby needs a father."

"Laureen. We talked about this before. I can't go on the way things were and you deserve better than that."

Her expression hardened, "That's what I'm offering. You accept the offer I'll get the lawyer to draw you up a contract. The loans got to be paid off at interest with right of ownership going to me if you can't meet the re-payments. Business is business." She turned away from him and looked out the window again. "If your buddy drives you down to Bobby's school there make sure he parks up the road. Bobby will get embarrassed if you turn up there driving that old truck."

Ennis and Jack sat in the truck across the road from the school. It was home time. Groups of teenagers strolled out of the school.

"There he is," Jack said to Ennis pointing to a boy walking by himself, head down. Jack got out of the truck and started walking alongside him.

"Bobby Twist. Your Momma's been tellin me some stories about you."

Looking up, Bobby turned to Jack and smiled broadly, "Daddy. When did you get back?"

"Just today. Well, what's been goin on while I been away?"

"What you mean?"

"What do I mean? You missin school, not listening to your Mamma. Gettin picked up the police and bought home. That ain't like you."

"It wasn't Mamma. I don't see her. She's always working. That guy that moved in he was always tellin me what to do. I don't know who he thinks he is."

"I'm the one that's tellin you now. And you need to start concentratin on your schoolin."

"Granddaddy always said that education is for fools. He only made ninth grade and he said it never did him any harm. "

Growing impatient, Jack said, "I had to left school early to help my daddy out. Wished I could a stayed at school. Wished I'd had more opportunities. When I weren't much older than you I was herdin sheep on my own up a mountain."

"Well I'd rather be doing that then being here."

"Come on over here," Jack said leading Bobby to the Ennis's truck. "There's someone I'd like you to meet. This is my friend from Wyoming, Ennis."

Ennis said, "Pleased to meet you. Me and your daddy have knowin one another a long time. He's told me a lot about you." Even though they never spent much time talking about their families, it seemed the right thing to say.

Bobby gave a sight nod, smile and said a cursory "Pleased to meet you."

Bobby climbed in the truck and sat between Ennis and Jack. During the short journey back to Lureen's house he said nothing but stared straight ahead. When the truck stopped he said, "Granddaddy and Grandma are coming over for dinner. Are you going to stay?"

Jack said, "We got a get goin but I'll come back tomorrow. We got some catchin up to do."

Bobby said, "If you go back up Wyoming can you take me with you. I'd really like to see what it's like up there."

"Now's not a good time."

"You always say that."

"Bobby I promise I'll take you up there. Your grandmamma is always asking after you."

Bobby got up of truck and ran inside the house. L.D's Cadillac was parked in the driveway. Jack thought he could imagine the blinds tilted slightly and Lureen or her mother peeking out.

Ennis and Jack lay on one of two single beds in a room in a boarding house in Amarillo, Texas. Jack had suggested Amarillo because he didn't want to stay anywhere in Childress saying to Ennis, 'Laureen's always talkin about her families standing in the community and it's a small community. Lots of gossips."

Ennis said to Jack, "I don't know how you made out he's more like L.D. Newsome. He kind a looks like you and he wants to get out Childress just as much as you wanted to get out of Lightning Flat. Don't seem that bad."

"With me, he's not. One thing, I'm tired of hearing from LD Newsome and I ain't set eyes on him yet."

"Did you ask Lureen for the loan to keep your folks place goin?"

"Yeah. She wants me to come back. She's been havin a rough time. Like I said, gettin money off her is like pullin teeth. She ain't got no reason to be doin me any favours. I still don't what I'm goin to do. I told you it weren't goin to be easy down here."

"You're stuck with me now, I guess."

Jack reached across and stroked Ennis's face "It's good that you're here. When I first saw you outside Aguirre's trailer carrying that dumb paper bag, I had a feeling then, it was going to be a good summer."

"I guess it was the same for me," Ennis said rubbing Jack's arm through his shirt. "When I see you waitin for Aguirre to arrive leanin against that truck of yours." Jack kissed Ennis' hair and lips and Ennis added, "Up until you pulled that harmonica out, and I didn't know how I get through the summer listenin to you try and play it."

Jack smiled and chuckled. They shared a lingering kiss and Ennis buried his face in Jack's neck. As they held one another, Jack thought that despite the years they barely saw one another, the frustrations, and the bitterness, this was the person he was closest to. He wanted tell Ennis how much he meant to him, but it would have to wait for another time, because Ennis's breathing had deepened and he had fallen asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

While he was in Texas, for the first time in his life, Ennis found he had time on his hands. Back in Riverton, his life had revolved round his job. What free time he had been spent in the mountains with Jack, and any spare time after that was spent with Junior and Jenny, or Cassie. In the mornings he'd drop Jack off Laureen's. She would walk out of the house, not hostile but not friendly either. She never spoke to him but would give him a terse, little smile and a knowing stare. He still felt uneasy that Laureen knew the truth about him and Jack, as it had been something he taken pains to hide for so long, and said as much to Jack.

Jack had replied, "With me and Laureen….over the years we got to understand one another. We didn't really know one another when we got married. She was already pregnant. We become friends in a way. We still got a kid between us. What about you an Alma?"

"I ain't talked to Alma for years," Ennis had said.

Bobby seemed to accept him without question; just another one of Dad's friends. While Jack spent time with Bobby, Ennis would drift round Childress, smoking, drinking endless cups of coffee and chalking up impossibly high scores on an arcade game called Space Invaders that he had never played while he was in Riverton. Once, while he was playing, Jack had bought Bobby over, who was impressed by the scores he had accumulated.

"How did you get up to that level?" Bobby , normally distantly polite, asked incredulously.

"I don't know?"

"I bet I could get that score, if my arm was out of plaster," Jack said.

Bobby shook his head, "I seen you play, Dad. You couldn't play like that when you did have your arm out of plaster."

Jack got a checkup at Doctor's. A small purple scar was left under his ribs and, the doctor said his arm was healing alright. Although they talked more, they never talked about the accident. And perhaps, because he had more time to notice things, Ennis noticed that Jack would often be awake in the middle of the night and sometimes looked far away, as if mulling something over. Being with Jack was at times reassuringly familiar, and at other times like being with a stranger that he was just becoming acquainted with.

Christmas passed and, they were two weeks into the New Year. Ennis missed home and wanted to return to Wyoming. Of course, he could drive back to Riverton anytime he liked but once he had driven from Riverton to Denver to be with Jack, it had somehow altered the course of his life, and going back to the way things were was no longer a choice. So he would content himself by occasionally asking Jack, "When do you think we'll be gettin back to Wyoming." Jack would reply, " I'm workin on it." Maybe because he had so much spare time, a sense foreboding began to grow. So when Jack suggested that they go to a bar instead going straight back to the boarding house it seemed like a good idea to unwind, relax, shoot some pool. Ennis left Jack at a table and went to the bathroom. When he returned he bought himself a beer at the bar.

He overheard two men talking, "There's that faggot that married L.D. Newsome's daughter –the one that used to ride the bulls."

Ennis glanced round and saw Jack talking to another man who'd sat down with him.

"That guy that he's talking to, I'm sure he's one as well – used to work for over for Charlie over at the Double D ."

Jack noticed Ennis at the bar, smiled at gestured for him to come over. The men at the bar turned and stared at Ennis.

Ennis went over to the table, not looking at the other man sitting down, and said to Jack, "Come on, we're goin."

"What are you talkin about? We only just got here."

"We're leavin, I said."

Jack shook his head but followed Ennis out.

Once in the truck Jack said angrily, "What the fuck was that all about?"

"What the fuck do you think you were doin? It's bad enough everyone knowin, but those roughnecks back there, they knew all about you and your friend. You could get yourself killed."

"I ain't seen Gary for years. We used to rodeo together. I don't tell no one, its nobodies fuckin business, but sometimes things get out, it can't be helped. If your not prepared to deal with that you might as well go back to your miserable life. I told you, I had enough of hidin away in the goddamn cold. We done it your way for the last twenty years. I want more than that for us."

They drove back to the boarding house in silence and took turns at using the bathroom in the hallway still not talking. Jack lay on a bed. Ennis came into the room, drying his face on a towel, and said to Jack, "I don't want to go back to the way things were neither, but I still don't like the idea of people finding out."

"After what you seen as a kid, I don't blame you. Hey, come here." Jack said softly as he grabbed Ennis's wrist, pulling him down on the bed beside him. He pulled up Ennis's shirt and playing with the hair on stomach.

Ennis pulled up Jack's shirt out from the waistband of his jeans and undid his belt. Jack tilted his pelvis closer Ennis's face. Ennis's lips grazed over the front of Jack's jeans, and he pulled off his boots running his hand over his calf muscle. He knelt over Jack, pulling off his own shirt and then pulling off Jack's. Jack lightly grasped Ennis's his hair pulling his head down. They kissed and lay facing one another. Jack stared intently at Ennis and said, "I keep thinkin your goin to get tired of this and leave."

"I told you, that ain't goin happen. I mean things are harder than when you asked me to ranch with you all them years back, but its my fault it didn't happen. We just got to ride this one out."

Ennis rolled Jack onto his back, looking down at him. Not knowing what else to say to allay his doubts, Ennis continued to kiss Jack softly on the mouth until he closed his eyes and the tension left his body. He kissed his neck,tugged down his jeans, and slid his hand under his back. He looked at Jack's face again, and satisfied that that he was no longer preoccupied with whatever it was that was troubling him. He unzipped his own jeans and pressed himself close against Jack, making him aware of his need for him.

The next time Ennis picked Jack up from Laureen's house, when Jack got into the truck he said, "We're goin home."

Ennis grinned, "How soon."

"Tomorrow. The money's been paid to the bank."

"But then Laureen wants you back here."

"No, She's tryin to make a go of it again with the guy she split up with. The last thing she wants is me hangin round at the moment. We won't have nothin. Just be workin to pay off Laureen and I can't do much work for couple of weeks, until the plaster comes off my arm."

"What about Bobby?"

"Bobby will be comin up and stayin for a while. It's something we talked about for a long time. Laureen's busy and her mamma's getting too old to keep an eye on him. Hopefully he'll like it. It ain't goin to be nothing like he's used to. You might not want to stay neither, once you meet my old man."

"He can't be any bigger bastard than what my old man was."

In the morning, before they left for Wyoming, Laureen invited him in the house. He stood awkwardly in the living room with his head bowed.

Jack was talking Bobby about taking him to some rough stock events, and Laureen came and stood next to him. She said in a soft Texan voice, "I hope things work out for you two, really I do, but I don't want Bobby knowing nothing 'bout it. You hear what I'm saying?"

"Sorry ma'am?"

"You know what I mean. You're the one that had Jack all along."

Ennis bit his lip, not knowing what to say, but she had moved away, and was straightening up the collar on Bobby's shirt.

As the truck crossed the Wyoming border, Ennis felt a sense of exhilaration at the vast expanse of red infused sky. As they drove, several bruised clouds shook sleet over the road and buffeted the truck. Jack was talking about visiting his uncle in Sheridan, when the wind picked up and an uprooted tree hurtled along the road in front of them.

Jack said, "Did you see that? I forgot what fuckin winters were like back here."

Ennis didn't reply, he had one hand resting on Jack's thigh and the other on the steering wheel. He was thinking about his girls and his horses. He finally said, "I'm goin to have to get a proper trailer this time of year to pick up the horses. It'll be good to see Junior and Jenny again."

Jack said, "Why don't you invite the girls over?"

Ennis said, "I'm not sure about that. I mean, it bein such a long drive and all."

Jack said, "Here it is, this is my home."" They reached a battered, old fence that led up a drive way to gate with a sign that read, 'John C Twist.'


	15. Chapter 15

Ennis's truck pulled up beside an old weather board ranch house with paint peeling off, surrounded by an unkempt yard. Ennis looked round the in dismay. Even in the dim, early evening light he could see that many of the fences were broken and weeds had taken over the grazing land.

Jack saw his troubled stare and said, "I tried to do what I can when I'm up this way, but I ain't been here for months."

A woman came out of the house and stood on the porch. She was small beneath several oversize cardigans, and she had a sweet expression on her face. She sighed in relief and threw her arms round Jack. He awkwardly hugged her back and said,"Mamma, I'm alright."

"I know son, but it's so good to see you. When are we going to see Bobby?"

"He'll be up in a couple of weeks' time. Thought we'd get settled in. You won't recognize him from those photos I've sent. He's nearly as tall as I am now."

She turned and looked shyly at Ennis. Jack with one arm still around her shoulders said, "This is Ennis."

"I sure heard a lot about you over the years, Thank you for bringing my boy home" Jack looked down a little embarrassed and she said, "Come in, I got cake and coffee for you."

They walked into the kitchen. A large, balding man sat at the table. He looked at Ennis with unbridled contempt, and then turned to Jack and said, "I want you two to make sure we know where we stand. Just cause your wife got money and she used it to bail us out, don't think you can come back here and start throwing your weight around … you or him." he said staring back at Ennis. "This ranch is still in my name, and I still am in charge."

"Daddy, it's still your ranch. We didn't want you to lose it."

Mrs Twist put her hands on Ennis's shoulders and said to him, "Let's leave those two to talk." Ennis looked at Jack who raised his eyes and nodded. Ennis followed Jack's mother into a sitting room. Jack's mother said in an apologetic tone, "He's had a lot of worries what with us nearly losing the ranch."

Ennis could still hear Jack and the old man talking in the kitchen. Jack's voice dulcet and the old man's unrelentingly harsh.

Jack's mother said, "Ennis I'm so glad you come up here with him. Jack's been talking about bringing you up here for years. I know how much it means to him having you here."

"I been meaning to come home with Jack for some time, but what with one thing and another."

She held up hand, "What's important your here now." The living room was filled with austere, drab furniture which matched the careworn ambiance of the rest of the house. A portrait of dour looking woman dressed in black dominated one wall. Ennis's mother saw Ennis staring at the portrait and said, "That was John's mother."

On a china cabinet Ennis spied a photo of Jack leaning against the old green truck he had pulled up in outside Aguirre's trailer when they had first met. He taken back by how young Jack looked in the photo. Ennis remembered the thrill of attraction he had felt that first summer. The attraction hadn't faded even though Jack's dark hair was flecked with grey, and there were lines around his blue eyes. Leaning against his truck he appeared happy, confident, looking forward to the future. Ennis remembered that expression, but realized he hadn't seen Jack look that way for years.

Ennis picked up the photo "When was that taken?"

"Nineteen sixty-two. The first summer Jack worked at Brokeback Just before he left."

There was silence in the kitchen. When they walked back Jack was sitting at the table on his own and old man had gone out to do something round the ranch.

Leaving his mother bustling round the sink, Jack said, "I'll take you upstairs."

They climbed up the narrow stairs to a small room. The room was decorated as a child's bedroom. There was a narrow iron bed and old wooden desk. A single mattress was placed beside the bed, that must have been left there for Ennis to sleep on.

"I guess it ain't what you expected."

"He shouldn't talk to you like that. All you done was tried to help."

"That's my Daddy."

"It don't matter none to me. I run into plenty of his type over the years. Likes everyone to know he's the boss. Is he always like that to you, your Dad?

"Always. There just ain't no pleasing my old man. Right from the day I was born. I guess even then he could tell I was different. Like a different brand of cattle."

"You ain't cattle."

"What I mean is, he could tell I was queer."

"Don't know about that but he sure got it in for you. Ought to be grateful to you for gettin that money off Lureen."

On the desk Ennis spotted a cowboy on a horse he had carved while lying in the pup tent on rainy day on Brokeback. "I didn't know you still kept this." He said to Jack turning it over in his hand.

He unpacked his rucksack and went to put what few clothes he had in the wardrobe. He could see some jeans and jacket of Jack's thrown over a coat hanger.

"Don't go in there," Jack said sharply.

Ennis turned round confused and said, "I was just putting some stuff in the wardrobe." He noticed a shirtsleeve covered in stale blood sticking out in the nook at the back of the wardrobe. "What's this?" he said pulling the hanger out. It took a moment for him to realize where he had seen the shirts before. It was his and Jack's shirts from the summer up in Brokeback; the one he thought he had lost in a laundry, the shirt he had worn the last day on Brokeback when Jack had tried to stem the blood from his nose and he'd punched him, nearly knocking him out.

Most of the time Ennis held his feelings tight within him, but sometimes they would come in a rush; in a bar room fight, or like the when they had he had fought with Jack at the Lake, and he had ended up bawling in Jack's arms the last time they were in the mountains. He now felt a similar wave of emotion swelling up in him. It may have been the photo of Jack when he was younger, with the dreamy, optimistic expression on his face, how relieved Jack's mom had been to see Jack and how she had welcomed him knowing that he and Jack were lovers. Her acceptance of them more than offset his father's obvious distaste and disapproval, and now the shirts, how he had hurt Jack when all Jack had done was tried to help him. He looked away tears forming in his eyes.

"You must think, it's kind of silly keeping those two old shirts. I can get rid of them," Jack said.

"No. They've been together all this time. Best keep them together," Ennis said blinking away tears. The coming days were going to be challenging judging from Old Man Twist's demeanor. There would be a lot of work to get the ranch back to where it should be, but he looked forward to this after the weeks of inactivity back in Texas. He wanted to stay strong and not get soppy round Jack now. He still felt emotional and pursed his lips and said sternly. "We'll get by. We'll stay together like them two old shirts you got in there. You kept us together all them years, it's my turn to keep us together now. "

He must have said something right because Jack smiled, "That's a sweet thing for you to say."

Jack unbuttoned his shirt and sat on the bed. The iron frame creaked under his weight.

Tension gave way to desire, and Ennis said , " Why don't you come down here. That bed of yours is going to creak so much your folks will know what we're up to, or else its goin to collapse."

They lay on the narrow mattress on the floor. Ennis kissed Jack's neck and started unbuckling his belt. He noticed with satisfaction that the front of his jeans were firm to his touch. He pulled up Jack's shirt and kissed the thin, purple scar under his ribs.

In the morning he rode round the ranch with the old man, and in the cold day light could see things were even worse than he thought.

The old man said, "It would be easier if I could pay someone to fix the baler, but I ain't had the money."

"I reckon I could fix that for you."

The old man's eyes lit up, "You can fix machinery? Jack's useless when comes to anything like that."

"Jack's a lot cleverer than me by a mile, but I'm better at fixin things."

"He's a talker. Don't mean he knows everything."

Ennis thought to himself , didn't the old man ever let up on Jack. He said, "I got horses back in Riverton. I got a go back and fetch my horses up here."

"You think you can get enough money out of the ranch to keep your horses, your welcome to fetch them up here," the old man said grudgingly.

"I'll drive back to Riverton, see my family and pick up the horses. Once I'm back we can work out how we can get the ranch earning somethin."

Ennis knocked on the door of a bungalow in Riverton. The door was opened by Alma. She was a little plumper than Ennis remembered her, her hair was a darker as if she had run a dye through it. She regarded him cautiously and said, "The girls have gone out but should be back soon. Why don't you come in and wait for them."


	16. Chapter 16

Ennis followed Alma into the living room. His gaze settled on a portrait of Junior and Jenny. He thought that it must have been taken last spring because Junior was wearing the same funny looking, blue hat she had worn walking across the stage of the High School gym when she had collected her graduation diploma.

"They seem to have grown up a lot since that photo was taken," Alma said.

"Don't seem that long since they were knee high and I was taken them in to town to get them ice creams."

"If you like that picture you can have it if you want. I can get another one made up," Alma said and fetched a paper bag from the kitchen and placed the portrait in it. "They sure have grown up. Juniors met this boy. Seems to be spending a lot of time with him."

"She did mention she was seein a fella called Troy."

Alma frowned, "Oh I remember him. She never told me they were going out together, said they were just friends."

"So what's the new fella like?" Ennis said.

"His name's Kurt. Works in the oil fields. Seems alright. Let's her use his car. Not sure it's right them spending so much time together before they marry."

"Junior's always been a smart girl."

"Yeah I guess your right."

"And how is Jenny?"

"Always on the go. She's been busy at school. She attends church with me and Munro, The girls are still looking after those horses of yours. Juniors paying out of her own money."

"One thing I got to say to you Alma, you done a good job of raising them."

"Didn't do it by myself. You were always a good to them girls. They'll be pleased that your back here now. They been talking 'bout when you're coming back. Been joking that you might end up in Texas."

"I'll be moving up to Lightning Flat at least for a while. Little town up by the Montana border."

"You got work up there?"

"No. I'm staying up there to help a friend out. You remember Jack Twist."

Alma's expression hardened and she frowned, " I remember JackTwist, your fishing buddy?" She went and stood by the door as if preparing to leave if there were trouble. "So it's true, what Junior was saying, you're going to move in with him."

"Him and his parents, but it's true, we want a make a life together. I ain't going to deny it no more, and I don't expect you to approve of it, but that's the way it is."

"I don't care what you get up to now. We been divorced ten years, but maybe you should have told me you had a fishing buddy before we married," her tone became angry and blaming.

"I never wanted none of this to happen. I wanted our marriage to work. But I ain't apologizing neither. I tried by best even though you don't seem to believe that ."

'I don't know what you expect me to say after all this time. That I think it's alright, two men living together like a man and woman. That's wrong. It's not the way things were meant to be. Just like it wrong for you to keep sneaking off on fishing trips just so you and your fishing buddy could carry on behind my back…." Her eyes stared past him towards the door, "Jenny," she said in a raised voice.

Ennis turned around to see what Alma was staring at. Jenny and Junior were standing at the door. Junior looked anxious but Jenny's face was white, with shock.

"Jenny, Honey.." Ennis began saying. Jenny looked at Ennis aghast. She stood in the doorway for a moment and then fled. Junior followed after her.

Turning back towards Alma, Ennis said, "Now see what you done."

"What I done?" Alma said and reached for the phone staring at Ennis nervously.

Ennis walked out the house. He was sitting truck about to start the motor when Junior's face appeared at the window "Wait, Daddy," Junior said and climbed in the truck and sat next to Ennis.

"Don't you go listening to your mamma. I don't know what your thinkin, but it ain't nothin like that," Ennis said.

"Daddy it's alright. I already know about you and Jack Twist," Junior said in a quiet voice.

"What did your Mamma tell you?"

"Mamma told me nothing. I overheard her talking to Munro after that thanksgiving years back, when you and her had that big argument. After you left she sent me and Jenny to our rooms, but I sneaked back and sat in the hallway and listened when she was talking to Munro about it. I didn't understand what she was talking about at the time but since then…." Junioir hesitated as if choosing her next words carefully, "I put two and two together, I guess."

"So you known for a while?"

"It don't matter to me. Mamma's got strict views about life, She's always been real strict with me and Jenny. But some of what she thinks…. I just know that life sometimes doesn't work out the way Mamma thinks it ought to."

" You know, and you don't mind."

"No, I think it's kind of sweet . You and him finally getting together after all this time. I looked after the horses. You don't owe nothing."

"Thank you Darlin. I'll make sure I pay you back soon as I'm able. Do you think Jenny will come round to thinkin the same way as you?"

"I don't know about Jenny, Jenny is Jenny. But I don't mind. You're still my Daddy. It don't change that."

"Maybe you can come up and visit us one day, up in Lightning Flat."

Junior smiled, "I'd like that real well."

Junior went with Ennis to the ranch and stayed while he loaded the horses on a carrier. Ennis drove back to Alma's house. The lights were on in the window and the curtains drawn. He watched as Junior smiled, waved,and went inside. He parked outside the house for a few minutes, wondering if someone would come out, when the front door remained closed he began the drive back to Lightning Flat.

When Ennis returned the old man had taken Jack to Gillette to get his shoulder checked out at the Doctor's. Jack's mother made Ennis coffee, and they sat together at the table. He placed the paper bag with the photograph of Junior and Jenny on the table in front of him. Ennis saw Jack's mother eyeing it curiously. He took out the photo and said, "Them's my girls, Junior and Jenny."

"Your girl finished High School?" Jack's mother said. "We haven't had too many in our family finish High School. You must be proud of her."

"Sure am," Ennis said.

"Maybe you could put the photo in the living room. They would brighten the room up."

Ennis sat the photo on the china cabinet and Jack's mamma nodded in satisfaction. "They look good there," she said glancing at the portrait of her mother-in-law. "This room needs more photographs."

Ennis had nearly finished settling the horses in the stable when Jack and the old man arrived back. When Jack got out of the truck, the cast he had been wearing on his arm had been removed. Before going inside the house, the old man gave Ennis a sour look and said, "You got your horses back here now?"

Ennis nodded and the old man said, "Now his arms workin again, there's plenty needs doing round here."

The old man disappeared inside the house, and Jack followed Ennis into the stables.

Looking at the horses, Jack said, "She's a nice filly. When did you get her?"

"Back in September, I thought you'd like her. Your arm good enough to go ridin? I missed goin ridin with you?"

"Maybe not on this girl. Not yet," Jack said noticing how the horse shied away from him. "But give it a couple of weeks, till I get some more strength back in my arm. She's a real nice filly. How did it go up in Riverton? You see Junior and Jenny?"

Ennis looked down. Jack touched his cheek.

"They both know about us. Jenny weren't happy with it."

"They'll come round. Just not something they thought they'd ever hear." Jack put his arms round Ennis, and they held each other in a close embrace.

"That's another thing I missed, feelin your arms around me," Ennis said. "What about your son? Lureen said to me before I left, she didn't want him known nothin. What if he finds out?"

"Bobby already knows, I told him back Texas," Jack said.

Ennis wanted to ask Jack what Bobby had said, but he could hear boots shuffling through the hay and the old man call out, "You fella's goin to do some work?"

Jack broke away from the embrace before the old man appeared, and began sorting out sacks of feed. The three of them worked in silence. Ennis noticed that the old man winced when he bent down. While Jack was pulling out the feed to truck Ennis said, "Your back hurt?"

The old man scowled, displeased that Ennis had noticed and said, "Bull ridin injury catchin up with me now I'm older."


	17. Chapter 17

Jack and Ennis lay together on a narrow, feather stuffed mattress on the floor, in Jack's room. Outside, the wind howled over the dark plain making the loosened glass rattle in the wood casing of the window. A clatter of thunder echoed like gunshot. Ennis could make out the stark outline of Jack's face lit up momentarily by lightning. He reached across and rubbed his thumb across Jack's cheekbone. As the wind exhaled through the house it creaked as if footsteps were moving across the landing, and the muted rasp of Jack's old man coughing could be heard from another bedroom.

Jack said, "When I was little, and it was stormy like this, I used think it was ghosts stompin round up here."

Ennis saw Jack rubbing his neck. His own muscles ached. They had both been up since the sun rose repairing the many broken fences and clearing the tangle of sinewy weed from which covered much of the land.

"Your shoulder alright? It ain't gettin too sore?" Ennis said.

"No, I'm alright. The doctor said the more I exercise it the better . What about you?"

"Now that I can see what we're doin is startin to pay off. By spring we should be gettin somewhere..."

"I mean, you don't mind stayin here. I used think, if I ever got you up here we could build a cabin of our own."

"I don't mind it. We ain't got the time anyway. Too much to do."

"I been talkin to Lureen. She's still keen for Bobby to come up here. I'm going to be drivin down to Texas and get him up here next week. Still gettin himself in to trouble at school and they don't want him back. Lureen said thinks he needs a change of scene until they find him another school."

"You told him down Texas about us?"

"Yeah. Wasn't goin to tell him He was always asking why he could never come with to Wyoming and I was always makin excuses why I couldn't take him. Got to a point that I got tired of makin up excuses, and I just didn't know what else to say. So, I told him that there was someone I met when I was young and we got split up. I didn't know where they were, and by the time I tracked them down, we'd both got married, but we still kept in touch when I came up to Wyoming. And that was the only times we got together. Now we wanted to stay with one another," Jack said hesitating. "And then, I told him it was you."

"And he still wanted to come up here?"

"Yeah sure. Tired of the school tellin him that he isn't paying attention. Didn't want to stay with Lureen and the guy that's moved in with her, so I told him to come up Wyoming and be a cowboy for a while."

Ennis moved his hand under Jack's t-shirt , across his stomach and laid it on his chest and felt the slow, relaxed thud of his heart beat. Jack turned and curled his body around him.

"He took it alright? Didn't get upset or nothing?"

"He didn't say much. Kind a went quiet for a while. I don't know how much he's bothered by it. He's used to feelin different himself, always getting made fun of and called stupid cause he's so far behind with his readin and writin, And he's more interested in his own love life then he is mine. He likes girls. I think he thinks I'm crazy for likin a guy. But I told him we trying to make a life with one another, and I weren't sure how it was going to work out, so when he did come up he wasn't to give us the same shit he gave his mamma and the guy she's with. It isn't that what worries me," Jack said he turned Ennis and kissed his forehead. "What if gets up here, and he doesn't like it. It's goin to be a hell of a lot different from Childress. He had everything he wanted there."

Ennis turned a kissed Jack's cheek and said, "Not much trouble he can get himself to round here. We're miles from anywhere."

"That's whole idea."

"Your mamma ain't changed this room since you were little?"

"I told her to leave things be."

"Maybe it's time to make some changes, Get us a bed that we can both sleep in instead you sleepin in that kids bed and me sleepin on the floor. You don't think she'd mind?"

"She won't mind. No one ever comes up here anyways. Next time I'm in Gillette, I'll get us a proper bed."

Ennis, his arm still covered in visceral slurry, stood in the in the yard next to Jack's old man both eyeing the cow he had searched, and said, "That's another heifer going to be calving."

"It's been a good season, but more land needs to be cleared so we got the space to put 'em."

"We got a find the space or we ain't never goin to pay off Lureen." Ennis said rinsing his arm under a faucet. He had started to appreciate Jack's skills as a salesman, convincing Lureen to put money into a place that was so run down. "Just as well she ain't comin up to see what things are like for herself, huh?"

Jack's old man spat on the ground and said irritably, "Things wouldn't be like they are, if Jack had come back like he kept promising to. Always thought he was too good for this place. All he done is talked for years about the two of you moving up here. I recall him coming back from Signal back in nineteen sixty-three crowin about what a fine time he had. Next summer he heads straight back to Signal thinkin he would meet up with you again, bring you back, help me run the ranch."

Ennis felt himself burning with anger and said, "You stop blamin Jack for everything. None of this is his fault."

"You reckon you'll stick it out here?" the old man said unfazed.

Ennis said, "I ain't planning on going anywhere. Leastways not without Jack."

The question had taken him by surprise. Jack had been away a week down in Texas and sleeping on his own, waking up in the morning and not seeing Jack felt strange. He looked back at the last twenty years of separation, and could not imagine how he had stood it.

Ennis raised his head at the sound of a horn blaring as Jack's pickup drove in to the yard. Bobby got out, looking around both curious and apprehensive. His eyes settled on Ennis momentarily, and he gave a slight smile of recognition. Jack's mother came out of the house clutching her apron. Jack put his arm round Bobby's shoulder and said, "Bobby, come and say hello to your grandmamma."

Jacks mother held out her hands, and Bobby grasped them.

The old man turned to Ennis and said quietly, "He might think it's a vacation, but he won't be sittin on his ass up here. The more help the better, getting into calving season What's he like anyway? You met him. Has he got Jack's dreamin ways?"

"I ain't too sure what he's like." Ennis replied

"You and Ennis have already met, this here's your Granddaddy," Jack said turning and pulling Bobby round to face Ennis and the old man.

Jack put his arms around both his mother and Bobby and together they went into the house. Ennis and Jack's old man followed behind.


End file.
